If theres a bustle in your hedge grove

Currently there are 4 lawnmowers at my house. I have an old Craftsman "real" mower. I have a Toro gas powered mower that I got free from my mom. I have a Briggs and Stratton self propelled mower that is my father inlaws. I also have a broken down old Briggs and Stratton riding lawn mower from the 70s that the fat man gave me.

Last week at this time not a single one would mow my yard. The grass was too tall for the real mower and none of the gas powered mowers would start. Im happy to report that both the smaller mowers now work. The Toro just needed a new spark plug and filter. The B&S self propelled needed to be taken apart and have its starter cord untangled. I dont expect anyone to care about this but I am quite proud of myself and felt like telling you.

For those of you who think Google is wholesome, this came up as #3 on a Google image search for "lawn mower". Click

As long as were having lawn mower fun check this out. Click

Total time take to write post: 53 min

Here comes the river card

Recently my local basic cable has been expanded. Out of no where I now get G4 and ESPN2. As a result Im finally catching up on current video games and feel Im ready to go to Vegas and play some serious Texas Holdem.

Time wasting: 1
Productivity: 0

Ding Dong! The witch is dead!

Its been 3 days now and I think its starting to settle in. THE FAT MAN IS GONE. He has gone back to Lake Dr and hopefully well never see him again. Heres a few things to remember him buy.

• You do know what CAN stands for dont you?


• Its funny you call them that, Thats what we called them.


• I can get you some.


• No, and actually...


• Its not illegal, they steal from us.


• I can get you into the titty bar, but you have to buy your own lap dances.


• Yeah, I just hired her for eye candy.


• Shes a foreigner, she wouldnt have said that.

Take 5

Kashmir

Nearly 9 short hours ago, I finished reading The Ultimate hitchhikers Guide. Im not going to sum it up because I think that everyone who reads this blog has read, or is in the process of reading it. And really whats the point? The movies in theaters now.

So now Im ready to have everything I imagined and pictured in my head destroyed because in 9 short hours or so we will be watching The Guide on the silver screen. Being only the second real* book Ive ever read, Ive never had the problem a lot of people have with movies being released based on books. I had never read the book and there for the inadequacy of the movie couldnt ruin it for me. This, in my opinion, is one of the greatest flaws of books. Yes, its the books fault, I said it. That is to say, you spend hours upon hours to read an entire book, only to have it ruined by a 2 hour movie. Now Ive seen plenty of these movies that werent up to par with the book and I enjoyed many of them. I guess what Im trying to say is that there are so many things that I want to do with my time and spending 35 hours reading a story that I can spend 2 hours watching just doesnt seem worth it to me.

*Im not implying that Ive read fake books but rather that childrens books arent allowed to be counted when tallying up the number of books ones read.

Youll never know

T-minus 12 days and counting.

Im waxin down so that I go really fast

Almost as if to say to the weather, "we dont care that its snowing in late April after a week of 64+ degree days," we went ice skating Friday. The usual crowd was there. You had the hockey boys there who convinced their girl friends to destroy their feet while they wore their perfect fitting Bauer and CCM skates. There was the figure skater chicks (my wife and her friend), working on their routine for the show. There were the idiots (my friends and I) who arent shaped right for ice skating anymore but arent afraid to make fools of themselves. Last but not least there was the creepy middle aged man with the expensive figure skates, headphones and little white gloves.

The skates were proving that they were capable of causing much more pain than anyone who was not already frozen would have immediately ended. Being the gluttons for pain that we are we decided that a synchronized dive would be necessary. We all got on the ice and started getting our speed up. The plan was to circle the rink until there was a clearing and then all dive at the blue line and see who could slide the farthest.

In the end it was determined that we all lost. Kato punctured his lung. Shedu broke his femur. I dislocated my shoulder. Were not sure what happened to uglytaco, but its rumored he teleported to Chicago.