64 things (retro)

As a womanizer John Randolph is expected to apologize a lot. One thing that people don't realize is that being a womanizer gives you a special privilege. You are required to do a lot of the things people think you should apologize for. You loose your membership card and in John Randolph's case his job if he doesn't do many of the things you think he should have to apologize for. Because there is a lot of confusion regarding what womanizers like John do and don't have to apologize for we have constructed a list. This list is not to be considered complete and all encompassing in any way. It is the sixty-four things that first come to mind when this topic is brought up. Take a moment to look at it.

Sixty-Four things that John Randolph does not have to apologize for:

1. Anything
2. Caring about his hair too much
3. Constantly claiming people are checking him out
4. Smelling her panties
5. Making her pay for dinner
6. Constantly checking himself out
7. Stealing her panties
8. Fabricating stories to enhance his sexual image
9. Making her sleep in the wet spot
10. Always talking like James Bond
11. Smelling like cigar smoke and cheap whisky
12. Pinching his waitress' ass
13. Leaving the seat up
14. Claiming he doesn't know what happened to her panties
15. Your mother
16. Knowing all the strippers by name
17. Showing up at work drunk
18. Playing Final Fantasy 8 or Diablo all day instead of going to work
19. Making infomercials about losing weight by going to strip clubs
20. Writing hate-mail to Betty Crocker
21. Running around as Superman, wearing nothing but jeans as a cape
22. Stealing a Jigglypuff toy from a bastard child
23. Making the Neil Cap into a hat using duct tape and then putting it on Sonata
24. Shaving his scrotum
25. Putting his balls on Larry’s wood
26. Dumping girls for stupid reasons
27. Hiding Scare Bob behind the couch
28. Being concerned about Sonata’s shaved stomach
29. Making a duct tape cape and putting it on Sonata
30. Stealing other people’s girlfriends
31. Putting out on the first date
32. Forwarding e-mail
33. Making his crotch look big
34. Drawing a Precious Moments dwarf looking around a corner
35. Having amazing artistic talent
36. Eating all the food in your house
37. Videotaping himself saying that he will eat all the food in your house
38. Being shirtless
39. Passing gas and then ‘throwing’ it in your direction
40. Making this list
41. Burping and then blowing it in your direction
42. Using clichés
43. The sunshine on his shoulders
44. Knowing the words to most disco songs including “It’s Raining Men”
45. Letting his friends put his roommate’s Transformers into sexual positions
46. Being drunk and stoned for 36 hours
47. Saying "God gave you a hand didn't He?" when she complains about her neck hurting
48. Reminding her she has another hand when she complains of the first one being tired
49. Suggesting her neck should be feeling better right about now
50. Waking downtown in a doorway across from a bum who is drinking his rum
51. Covering a friend’s car with T.P. and shaving cream at his wedding
52. Always having a story
53. Bringing floozies to weddings or anyplace for that matter
54. Peeing on Steve’s dorm room floor
55. Earning the nickname “Touchy Feely Guy”
56. Regularly using the phrase “If I don’t remember it, it never happened”
57. Helping Luke “the Juke Box” Robitel in crazy schemes
58. Getting drunk and lost in Lansing every year
59. Sleeping in the house of some girl he found peeing behind a dumpster
60. Eating enough Easy Cheese to get cancer
61. Saying she like the fucking country dog man and meaning it as a compliment
62. Not contacting his girl on Valentine’s Day so he can play DnD
63. Dating Sara Rhodie for her 56” TV and DVD setup
64. The number 64
    

Quote of the Day:

• Have you heard the superman story yet?

Who said it? Anyone who has been to a party with Ted and has heard the superman story.