Merry Triple X Mas

We were visited by the red man from the south the other day. He came bearing gifts from his imigrant wife. And glorious gifts they are.

Tonight I took a nice hot bath and used my gift. I completely exfoliated my feet with the glorious pumice stone that was given to me. No I didnt light candles* and put bubbles** in the tub. I didnt paint my nails** either. I simply removed all the dry cracked skin and now have silky smooth feet.

You girls know what Im talking about. (Sexist) Its not easy being on your feet wearing the tight leather boot all day. It takes its toll and sometimes you need to take care of business. Theres nothing like a good pumce stone and some Dr Scholls For Her Cracked Skin Repair Cream.

Baby Jesus may have gotten gold, frankincence and myrrh for xmas but I got what I really needed, and Im greatful for that.

* I didnt think to get candles until after I had gotten in the tub.
** Jaime would kill me if I used her bubbles and nail polish.

Im Bringing Sexy Back

I fixed a tire on a Corolla yesterday at work. Or so I thought. I wont bore you with the details, heres the gist of it. I fixed a leak, put the tire on, pulled the car out, the customer came to get the car, most of the air was out of the tire, pull the car back in and fixed it for real.

Needless to say, this customer was a little concerned that her tire was still going to go flat. Apparently, the day before she brought it to a different Sears and they "fixed" the tire, much like I did the first time. She was affraid that the tire was unrepairable. That shes was going to wake up in the morning and have no way to get to work. "What gauruntee do I have that this wont happen again?" she asks me. I explained why the tire wasnt repaired properly the first 2 times but that wasnt enough for her. She was worried and there wasnt much that was going to calm that.

Logic wasnt working so it was time to pull out a trick I havnt used in many many years. I said "I promise that your tire will not go flat tonight and youll be able to go to work tomorrow" and then gave her the smile that allows women to believe that there is no way that I could lie to them. Some of you know that smile. (Neil) I feel a little guilty using this ability on something as trivial as a flat tire, but I know she didnt lose any sleep over a flat tire last nig

My Five

Im on the Zoloft to Keep From Killin Yall

Theres been some mystery in our little blogosphere latelly. Confusion regaurding a newcomer. No, not Cheri or Derrick. (Your blog is now on my roll so quit whining.) This person is from outside our circle. Shes a self proclaimed "Full time mom, wife, and NUT!!!" She lives in Texas and has a blog on Windows Live Spaces. (Which dont like cooperating with the Firefox.)  She is Traci B. Thems the facts.

What I would like to know is how she came to the circle. Shes here and every day seems to have something new to say. Im not saying shes not welcome. If that were the case then Id have suggested booting Aly Nisi and Neil out long ago. And who knows, perhaps I would be out. The more the merrier. I just wonder how (and why for that matter).


PS The title is a Mike Tyson quote.

The Glitter is Snow ya Know

My little sister did it again. She was unable to leave them in the 'gallery' for us this time so they were sent USPS.

Insperation

As requested, you may consider yourself insulted.

I Gotta Say, It was A Good Day

For breakfast we had eggs, sausage and pancakes. We watched the Lions get their asses handed to them by Miami. (In the HD.) During the game the crew arrived from Tuscon. They begged us to have them over so they didnt have to go and see Teresas grandma. We said OK. After the first game Jaime got the stuffing and mashed potatoes going and I cooked up some turkey sandwiches. We switched the TV to some HD football Fox style where the Cowboys distroyed the Bucs. With 2 games and 2 meals down it was time for some dessert. We got some pumpkin pie and our guests brought some cheescake for eating style dessert, and the NFL Network played the Chiefs/Broncos game. At half time we paused the TV and went for a swim. After the swim we watched the 2nd half of the game and had some cheesy salsa dip. Best thanksgiving ever.

If it Makes You Happy

I hope this does.

Arizona Angels

VIDEOVAT.COM > VIDEOS FOR BLOGS AND MYSPACE

At the Car Wash

I was at BJs, waiting for the Mexicans to finish shining up The Man Scorpion. There was a newspaper box there and as I approached it I noticed there was a 44+ ounce beverage container on the ground that appeared to have recently been dropped. I then noticed that there was soda (pop for you midwesterners) and ice on top of the NP box. I stand there, perplexed and this guy comes over and explains that he thought the box was level but its not. He then procedes to shake it and then walk away, leaving the cup on the ground. Not sure whats going on I go sit down and wait for my car to be cleaned.

While I was sitting there, I thought about saying something to the man. "So... you set your drink on the newspaper box there and then it fell off?  Rather than picking up and throwing away the cup you walked away and  left it for someone else? When someone noticed you then decided to defend your actions but didnt feel compelled to correct them?" I didnt say any of these things.

You Cant Feel Your Helmet

Just got back from the pool. Ive been swimming every day since we left Michigan, at least once. Rigth now its about 75 degrees out and the locals are in their sweat shirts and long pants. I hope I dont become like these thin blooded sissies. I fear I might.

When Doves Cry

Theres an old lady who lives across the hall from us. She has one of those one handed dogs. (You know, the kind one kicks.) So the old lady rides around in a Rascal and the dog sits on it with her. Apparently getting in and out of ones home is quite an ordeal for the elderly and she sits outside her door for minutes while the dog barks.  This, naturally, drives our dogs crazy. Which drives me crazy.

If it were up to me, (fortunitally it isnt) once you are unable to enter and exit your home in less than 1 minute, you should be forced to live in a retirement community. Kinda like when a horse is put out to pasture.

Regaurding the dog; I wont feel bad when our door is "accidently" left open at 630 when she comes home my dogs run out and eat it.

Alls Ive gots to say is: It aint no rust down here and its glorious!

Youve Been Oriented

That was very odd. I went to this "orientation" just now. Orientation which according to the hr lady was about 3 hours long and started at 5. (An hour ago.) I waited for them to figure out what i was supposed to do, then some guy comes over and offers me a lolly pop and takes me to the meeting room. He explains that hes not sure which videos Im supposed to watch (and yes i am the only person being oriented) so well watch "this 1". He puts the video in and it starts playing and he talks throught the whole thing all about himself and Arizona. Then after the video ends he tells me all about the illigals and how they all carry guns and how its suicide to flip 1 off. Finally, when theres a brief brake, I stand up and then he says I can go. Wierd.

I Got What I Came For

Im a working man again. Its good to be productive again. My new boss is something else. He runs around like a chicken with its head cut off. At one point he tells me to check the water level in a battery, so I pop the cap off and hold it in my hand. A couple drips of water fall from the cap and he says to me "WHOOOAHHH, Dont spaz out man! Your spilling everywhere!" Ive also been told by 2 of my new coworkers that they hate him.

Coworker: Todays your first day?
Me: Yeah.
Coworker: How do you like it so far?
Me: Its pretty good.
Bossman goes running buy looking for head.
Coworker: Yeah, we pretty much all hate him.

So, this should prove to be interesting.

Asleep in Perfect Blue Buildings

We packed the family into the Man Scorpion yesterday and headed down to Tucson. It was a tight fit, but we made it with only minor scratches and bruses. We helped the gang from the South finish their big move. When the moving was done we went to see The Departed (Watch it!) and got some delicious pizza at Mammas.

On Friday I got the call from Sears. My background check and drug test results are back and I passed both. Im going to bring my tools up today and start Monday.

I Say Words, That Make a General Meaning

In the spirit of keeping this site updated Ive added some more swag to the shop. (Yeah thats right, we gots us a shop up in this shit. Now buy somthin. Bitch!) Now you can buy youre very own "I Ate the Square Root of the Tacos" junk. Perhaps you feel like bragging, pick up a new T Shirt. Or maybe you know an Emo who needs a pick me up; give him a button for his backpack. Or maybe the baby wants to feel like a big girl when shes eating with a cool new bib. Or remind the lady friend of your grandeur with these boxer shorts.

Picture Yourself in a Boat on a River

We got the HD yesterday. Holy moly is it awesome. Weve got some serious 5.1 going on and the 480p is better looking than I thought my TV could be. We watched the Heros on the HD last night. It was glorioius. The true test will be tomorrow night, LOST. Can it make Kates sumptious lips and Jacks furrowed brow better? Or how about Sawyers quick witted comments in surround sound? Did I just slip into a Harlequin novel? Well find out next time!

Get a Haircut and Get a Real Job

I had my interview. I went to the HR office at the Sears, told them I was here for an interview with the Car Care Center Manager. the lady told me to have a seat and shed call him. This was her end of the conversation.

Your interview is here.
How can you have the day off? You just got off of vacation.
Its the guy from Michigan who was here last week.
OK, Ill send him over.

So, I went over to the Auto Center and asked for the man. I was told that hes here but its his day off. I finally get to talk to him and the interview goes well. I have to take a drug test and have a background check.

Its My Fun Day

We had a sleepy Sunday today. Watched hours of football, soccer and baseball. Got some groceries. Went swimming. Ate delicious dinner prepaired by my glorious wife. Its nice to be on vacation. I am looking forward to going back to work tomorrow. Itll be nice to know that money is coming again. Not to mention getting out of the house.

Weve got the Heros DVRd right now. Theyre replaying the first 3 episodes. Itll allow us to see weather or not the show is worth watching. 3 episodes comercial free in a row. NICE.

Ground Control To Major Tom

We have arrived. After 35+ hours on the road and 2 nights keeping the boys from barking in hotels its good to be home. Were almost completely moved in, the pool has been used thrice already (with looks of amazement from the locals), and I have a job. I actually have 2 jobs. 2 jobs and an interview on Monday.

First I went to my interview at Sears only to find that the man I needed to talk to is on vacay. So I walked around for a little while (you dont need no car to get out of the house) and found an IHOP with a Now Hiring sign. I went in and asked for an application. Turned it in and asked if there was someone I could talk to right away. The manager came over and asked if I had any serving experience. I told him I did and he said that they had 1 person training right now but theyd be done this week and the trainer works again on Wednesday and I can start then. Yes, that was the extent of my interview. "Do you have serving experiance?" So with the garantee of income I could rest a little easier. IHOP is not where I want to work but it will put food on the table.

I continue on my walk and come across VooDoo Daddys Magic Kitchen. I notice theyre hiring servers also. I fill out an app and ask for an interview. The man isnt in until the next day so I come back then. The next day I talk to the man, this interview goes as follows. "Do you have any serving experiance?" "Yeah." "Do you know much about cajun food?" "A little but not much." "OK, well teach you about that. When do you want to start?" I start Monday.

With a job that is certian to be better than IHOP, I head back to the apartment. I decided to call Sears up and find out whats going on. As it turns out there was a mixup between the HR department and the Auto Center manager. He will be back from vacation Monday and I have an interview at 10. Its nice to know that I dont have to get this job, but it would be even nicer to have it and not have to depend on the kindness of a stranger.

Will the Real Shedu Please Stand Up, Please Stand Up

It happened. We ordered 64tacos from the Taco Bell. The woman at the register almost started crying when we ordered but then she got distracted by herself and went on with the order. We took pictures of the tacos and then started devouring. Wayne, Neil, Bri and Matt all ate The Square Root of the Tacos. (Yes I was out eaten by a girl. (Thats a wierd thing to say.))

There was a heated debate over who manages the Shedus MySpace. (And we now know so you might as well admit it.

Oh, and if youre wondering, that picture is of Jenna being tibbed. She didnt point, but she maliciously tibbed me so she got what was coming.

This will probably be the last time I post before we leave. Ill see you in Arizona!

The Final Countdown

As of 3:20pm this afternoon I am unemployed. Oddly I dont have much to say on the topic. I made some good friends while I was there and learned to hate others in ways I never knew possible. (You know who you are.) With that said, all thats left is packing. Lots and lots of packing.

Carry on My Wayward Son

Its gone. I am amazed at the efficiency of the Bargain Corner. I put an ad for The Green Fever in yesterday, it posted today and the car is sold already. Its gone to a couple that is more in need of a dying car. I trust it will be treated well. It will be missed.

Running Man

Dont Watch It.

I Love Dinosaurs

See why here.

I Love Inside Jokes. Id Love to be Part of 1 Some Day.

Some of you may remember "Code Blue". For those of you who dont, its what would be broadcast over the PA or walkies or something at Target when a hottie came around. Example: "Code Blue in toys" means that theres an attractive lady to be ogled in the toy department and all mans should report at their earliest convenience.

At my current job we have something similar. If you hear 1 of the mans yell "Line 7!" then you should look around to find the eye candy walking through. My little sister was in the shop the other day. Most of the guys know shes my little sister because shes been in to see me a couple times. Well 1 of the guys decided to call out "Hey Dave, Line 7" from about 30 feet away. So I called him out. I walked Jenna over to him and and introduced her to him as the local pervert.

Now you might be thinking to yourself, thats kinda hypocritical Dave, youve ogled your fair share of chiquita, who are you to judge. And its true, I have done that. But, he is the local pervert. And thats why I called him that.

Derailed

Dont watch it.

I knew I was hot

Which Lost Character Are You?

You are Kate. Breathtakingly beautiful, seemingly pure of heart, and you can even sew your own curtains! You listen to Patsy Cline anywhere and know how to work a farm. Your past haunts you. An accused criminal, are you innocent or guilty? The only thing thing we know you're guilty of is not giving Charlie the attention he needs.
Take this quiz!

Quizilla | Join | Make A Quiz | More Quizzes | Grab Code

The Gaurdian

Watch it.

Does Grandpa Have Balls? Does Grandpa Have Balls You Can Play With?

That has got to be the best question anyone has ever been asked at a 3 year olds birthday party. Happy birthday Raene. (Yesterday)

Lost Season 2

Watch it!

What is Normal?

Oh my goodness. We just invented the best game. We (Jaime, Dan and I) were watching the Packers get their asses kicked and needed to get away from the screens. It was decided that we would go to Meijers and wander. We came across the game 20Q and decided to take it home. We played a couple of times and had fun with that.

Heres where the genius is we started answering the questions oppositely. So, if your looking for the opposite of a computer and it asked you "Is it a common household object?" you would say "no" because computers are in almost every home. Here are some of the opposites we calculated. The 1st item being the thing we were finding the opposite of and the 2nd being the opposite.

Computer : Snow

Good : Everything

Jenna: A Wrench

Arizona :  A Ball Point Pen

A Cat : A Parsnip

Football :  Everything

A Pocket :  A Jaguar

Try it! Its awesome.

I wanted to see you walking away from me

I was mounting and balancing 4 tires for a used car at work yesterday. Jon was giving me a hand because the tires were 40 series. Breadstick came over and this conversation (or something very close to it) followed:

Breadstick: Dont ever pee on a woman.
Me: What?
Breadstick: Dont ever pee on a woman.
Me: What if shes been stung by a jelly fish?
Breadstick: What?
Me: A jelly fish. What if shes been stung by a jelly fish?
Breadstick: What does that have to do with it.
Me: Urin neutralizes the poison.
Breadstick: Who knows that?
Me: Everyone knows that. Dont you watch friends?
Breadstick: What?
Me: Friends. You know Joey peed on Monica because she had been stung by a jelly fish. Ask Jon, he knows.
Jon gives a knowing nodd.

Red Eye

Dont watch it.

Bourne Supremacy

Watch it.

The Last of the Mohicans

Watch it.

The Conversation

Watch it!

Hoodwinked

Watch it?

Syriana

Watch it!

Retards Gone (to the) Wild

Ive recreated this post for those of you who couldnt understand it because you dont speak white girl.

Chapter 1 – On the First Day

Once upon a time, there was a boy who Will will call Retard. However, Will is not telling this story; I am, so our hero will be known as, The Ugly Kid and this is his Hollywood True Story.

The much anticipated camping trip was upon them. The Taconians packed their packables, and traveled the travel. Arriving in the middle of No-Where (just South of North No-Where and East of West No-Where) everyone began doing what they did best. Stemshul spilled food while attempting to eat it. Whitey used all the ketchup. Katohater stood tall and red, surprisingly unrestricted by the child size large batman costume he brought as his only form of clothing.

The Ugly Kid has a buddy named Derrek. Derrek was a swell guy who kept mostly to himself. He laughed at good jokes, ate good food and drank when the moment seemed right. On this occasion that moment was immediately after he stepped out of the car. This made him happy, and ready to chop wood. The Ugly Kid joined his buddy Derrek. Before doing so the necessary precautions needed to be taken. He donned his studly mesh hat, no toed sandals and the essential racquetball safety goggles. Now properly equipped they double teamed the wood like a pair of homosexual chipmunks.

Passers by looked on in horror at the carnage that was put on display. Strangely, of the other campers, noone noticed that was going on. Perhaps theyve been desensitized by the lives of mayhem and madness that they lead. They anger easily and kill everything in their sight whether its wood, glass, metal, babies or each other. Nothing is safe. Not even the safety goggles.

Braveheart.

Watch it.

Pride & Prejudice (2005)

Watch it.

Good Night and Good Luck

Watch it.

Lady Picture Show

We went to a wedding today. These crazy people actually invited people to share in their joy and happiness. Jaimes friend Averil got married. The ceremony was probably the most interesting Ive witnessed. It was in the beautiful Fountian St Church down town. There was the usual seating of the elderly and the wedding party march. The minister gave a very nice welcome. The next part was my favorite. Three different people got up and read Instructions for Life by The Dali Lama, I am Love by an unknown author and Goodridge vs Department of Health by Supreme Court Justice Margaret H Marshall.

Hustle & Flow

Watch it!

Beautiful Girls

Watch it.

Miami Vice

Dont Watch it.

Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason

Dont watch it.

Chicken Little

Dont watch it.

Wallace & Gromit in The Curse of the Were-Rabbit

Watch it!

Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life

Watch it.

Lara Croft: Tomb Raider

Watch it.

If I had A Million Dollars

Your Chances of Being a Multimillionaire: 64%

You have a good chance of being a multimillionaire. Better than most people. You simply have a natural knack for money and the personality for success.

Will You Be a Multimillionaire?

Tis the Season

With the Summer Solstice past its time to start thinking about... Dum dum dum.. Xmas! I know Ive gotten a late start, and many of you have already begun planning but here we go. For Xmas this year I would like:

• Nintendo Wii


• The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess

Well, thats all I can think of right now. Ill add more when I think of it.

Alfie

Watch it.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

Watch it!

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

Watch it!

No More Ocean Dumpage

The other day, I was out back smoking with one of my coworkers. Someone rolled a trashcan back to the dumpster and emptied it. Another coworker then walked buy and asked if there was anything good in the dumpster today. We laughed and said we didnt know. Just for fun the 3 of us checked. Low and behold there was something good. A nearly brand new golf bag. The bag was retrieved and its contents were examined. There were empty golf ball boxes, an old glove, a couple tees and a toothbrush. Not just any tooth brush though. This was a Crest Tripple Effect toothbrush still sealed in its package. Apparently I was rather excited to see the dental hygiene product because when he pulled it out I said "Ooooh, a new toothbrush. Jackpot!" I was then offered the brush, to which I accepted and my teeth feel cleaner then they have in years.

And Setting Fuckin Fires

I dont know how many of you check Pheeshs blog but if you dont you need to check this out. For those of you who dont know Bethany Joy is one of my exgirlfriends.

Tib Count

Through June:

I owe Shedubeard 15 tibs.

Shedubeard owes me 1 tib.

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

Watch it.

5 Years down, 59 to go.

Happy anniversary to my lovely wife. (Yesterday)

Harry Potter and the Sorcerers Stone

Watch it.

Shes only 17

Happy Birthday to my beautiful wife.

The Doors

Watch it.

Lost: Season 1

Watch it!

I am a Traveler of Both Time and Space

Ive been busy for the last week or so. Busy doing this.

Fun With Dick and Jane

Watch it.

Mission: Impossible III

Watch it.

Finding Nemo

Watch it.

May Tib Count

Shedu and I settled our tibs through April a few weeks ago. The month of May is completed and Ive tallied up the debts.

I owe Shedu 10 tibs.

Shedu owes me 1 tib.

Weddings and Birthdays

First Id like to congratulate Jacquelyn and Aaron on their wedding yesterday.

Second Id like to say happy birthday to Crazy Mom.

Lastly Id like to congratulate Brian and Stacy on their wedding today. (Even though its way the f up north and theres a 4 hour wait between the wedding and the reception.)

The Pianist

Watch it.

X-Men: The Last Stand

Watch it.

Some Days are Diamonds, Some Days are Rocks

For the most part, today was a normal day. I went to work, the sky was overcast, I smoked cigarettes. Halfway through the day, as I was walking through the lot, something strange happened. The clouds suddenly broke and there was beautiful sun light everywhere. I looked around, hoping to find an explanation for this sudden change in the weather, and I found it. The Snap On guy was there and he had a new tool box for the tech whos bay is right next to mine. It was as if God himself said, "I give unto you this tool box. Use it to organize and keep safe your tools." It is a majestic box and Im happy I get too look at it every day. Someday, if it is Gods will, I will have a tool box just like it. After unloading and helping to set the box up the Snap On guy left and the clouds returned, ensuring that all was right in the world.

Im So Happy its Like a Wedding

Congratulations to Dave and Nicole on their wedding. I wish them a life time of love and happiness. Also, thanks for the free alcohol.

My Poor Brain is Going to Pop

I had 1 of my worst reoccurring dreams again last night. It starts out really nice. Were looking around for a house and we come along this beautiful, huge, old farm house. The house is a bit run down, but its nothing a little fresh paint and curtains cant fix. As were going through the house, looking out the windows we realize that the house is no longer on a farm. Rather the farm land has been sold and a housing development is being built around it. The house is still on its own acre of land and the new houses look like theyre very nice as they go up. The houses are being built right before our eyes in mere minutes. We continue up the stairs finding all kinds of interesting little specialty rooms on each floor. I cant describe what was done in these various rooms because there wasnt anything specific about any of them. Only that this room is set up perfectly to do "that" and that room is set up perfectly to do "this".

Eventually we reach the final floor. At this point were certain this is the house for us. It has everything we want and more. Theres nothing that this last floor could do to persuade us otherwise. At first glance it looks like a normal attic. Unfinished ceilings, wood planks for the floor and cobwebs everywhere. The age of the house shines through as the roof has some holes in it and the wall at the end of the house is almost completely gone. On the other side theres a door. We open the door and theres nothing but darkness.

We walk through the door and rather than entering a new room we are taken into the same room through the same door. Only the ceilings are finished and the floors are cherry hard wood. The cobwebs are all gone and have been replaced with the most brilliantly painted walls. Instead of holes in the roof there are skylights and instead of a hole in the wall theres a bay window. In the center of the room theres a giant canopy bed. We look back through the door and find nothing but darkness. We walk to the center of the room and climb into the bed. As we lay there we talk about how perfect this house turned out. How lucky we are to have found it. How we want to spend the rest of our lives here.

At this point I sit up and walk over to the bay window. I look out and theres nothing to see. Not that there is barren wasteland, there was just white. White in every direction. I stare at the whiteness intently and slowly it becomes greyer and greyer, certainly destined to turn black. As it changes the window disappears and the walls and floor and ceiling all fade back to their rundown state. As this is happening I turn around to see that the bed has become torn and tattered as if it had been sitting in the attic for 100 years. Standing on the bed is a giant spider. Its about 10 feet tall and starts walking toward me. With nowhere to go I decide that the best thing to do would be to jump into the grayness.

I wake up on the front yard of the house. Every kind of first responder is there and the paramedics are looking me over despite the fact that there is nothing wrong with me. The fire fighters have the fire under control but the house cant be salvaged. It will have to be demolished. Apparently my companion saw the spider first and knew that Id get out so they set the house on fire and escaped down the stairs. No one knows where my companion went but it is certain that they escaped. Later, when the fire was clear they investigated my story about the spider and found no evidence of its existence.

What is Normal

You Are 44% Abnormal

You are at low risk for being a psychopath. It is unlikely that you have no soul.You are at medium risk for having a borderline personality. It is somewhat likely that you are a chaotic mess. You are at medium risk for having a narcissistic personality. It is somewhat likely that you are in love with your own reflection. You are at low risk for having a social phobia. It is unlikely that you feel most comfortable in your mom's basement. You are at medium risk for obsessive compulsive disorder. It is somewhat likely that you are addicted to hand sanitizer.

How Abnormal Are You?

Who Do You Love, When You Come Undone

I was watching the Deal or No Deal last night. This woman was on and she was down to 4 cases with the $500,000, $75,000, $25 and $10 left. The offer was about $121,000. Her husband, who is stationed in Fallujah, was on the TV there via satellite. She asks him if she should take it or pick another case. He says to call it quits and take the deal. She starts getting all cutesy whiney (you mans know what Im talking about) and asks if she can open one more case. Finally he tells her its her decision. So she decides to open another one. Then she asks him which case she should open. He tells her to open #12. She didnt like that so she decided to open #11. Well guess what was in #11. $500,000, you guessed it. This brought the offer down to $28,000. I say, the bitch deserved it.

Now I am certainly not saying that women should obey their husbands and do everything that they are told. I wouldnt have married my wife if I though that way. I think women should do what they want. What upsets me about this is that she asked him his opinion and then completely disregarded it, twice. If you dont want his opinion, DONT ASK FOR IT. This is why I hate (and Im guessing most men hate) going with my wife when she buys cloths. Shell ask me which color I like better or which pants I like better or all kinds of other opinion questions. Ill tell her and shell pick the other one. I caught on to this years ago (Im a smart one) so now I either tell her I like both, dont like either or tell her I like the one that I dont like. Ive even told her that I do this and she still picks the one I "dont like".

What Im trying to say in all this is, if youre not going to listen

7 Deadly Quizes

Greed:	Medium
Gluttony:	Medium
Wrath:	Medium
Sloth:	High
Envy:	Very Low
Lust:	Medium
Pride:	Medium

Take the Seven Deadly Sins Quiz

Times Beena Movin Slow, Since We Both Got Here

I reported to work at 730 this morning. The car I was working on when I left was patiently waiting for me to finish it. I finished my inspection, put a new air filter in it, gave it a fresh set of wipers, preformed an oil change and put 2 new tires on the front. This took me a leisurely 1.5 hours. I didnt work on a single car the rest of the day. I spent the next 6.5 hours looking at tools on eBay, eating lasagna and smoking cigarettes. It was a very slow day. Very.. very... very.... slllooooooowwwwwww.

Youre Beautiful, Youre Beautiful.

The bottom line is theyre blue, fire retardant and have my name sewn into them. Im loving it... Thats right, my uniforms came in today. I dont know why its such a big deal but it is. Perhaps its because I dont stick out like hemorrhoids in spandex anymore. It might be the fact that I dont have to wash them. But I think its the pocket. My first couple days sucked because I didnt have a pocket for my pen, little screw driver, tread depth gauge and air pressure gauge.

The Beauty of Grey

Today was my second day at my new job. For those of you who didnt know I left Sears to work at one of the local Ford dealerships. There are a lot of major differences. The most notable of which include, much better hours and I get my own bay. On the down side I had to purchase about $864 worth of tools just to have the minimum that I need to perform my duties every day. And in the 2 days Ive been there Ive used every tool I bought (or a part of the set). Also, Im not as busy here as I was at Sears. Fortunately my wage is based on how many hours I work, rather than how much work I do.

Gimmie Some Love, Gimmie Some Love, Gimmie Some, I Want You To Know

2 stupid bloggers made similar resolutions at the beginning of the year. They are following through on these resolutions to different degrees. In late February Shedu and I settled up on our tibs. Since then neither has been tibbed for blogger lag. Well Ive tallied up the tibs owed for the months of March and April. For March Shedu gets to tib me 4 times and I get to tib him 10 times. For April he gets to tib me 2 times and I get to tib him 14 times.

Theres something the rest of you tibbers might want to keep in mind. If you blog, you are entitled to tib Shedu or I also. Youll have to count up the tibs owed yourself but you are entitled. I would like to add an addendum to the original resolution though since I dont see some of you for 6-4 months at a time. All tibs expire after 3 months.

The Jacket

Watch it!

In Cold Blood

Watch It!

Everybody Looks Good In A Purple Mustache

Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children

Watch It?

The Mexican

Dont Watch It.

Just Like Heaven

Dont Watch It.

Stachin

Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy! Its almost time. Mustache month is just around the corner. Just 6 more days!!! Whats mustache month you ask? Only the best idea 3 idiots ever came up with. Everyone is invited, and strongly encouraged to shave down to or grow out to a glorious mustache in May. I know I will be and I have faith that the Ugly Kid and Shedu will too.

Children Cant Lie

Stemshuls creature-nemesis:

The Dreaded ALYKAT64

'What creature will become your nemesis?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Logs and Boulders

I have a blog on which I like to write.
I have a blog on which I start fights.
You have the time to read my blogs.
You know its not sticks I throw but rather logs.
When (not if) my blog displeases you,
Dont ask What Would Tom Cruise Do.
You should not be upset you see,
Imitation is the highest form of flattery.

Monties

My lady friend and I decided to indulge my sister and her boyfriend this evening and went out to the bar with them. We were not allowed into our intended destination however because I was wearing "work boots." You know, low brow Doc Martins. Obviously any foot ware that goes above your ankle is unfit for public wearing.

As for this, Ill address you tomorrow. When Im not so tired.

Pin A Rose on My Nose

I saved a life yesterday! I voluntarily subjected myself to giving away one of my Nutty Bars. I am someones hero. Of course I did not only do this out of the goodness of my heart, to be honest getting on my coworkers good side doesnt hurt. I mean if I really wanted to be totally selfless I could have given him both Nutty Bars, but seriously, they are the tastiest treat youll ever eat. I think I deserve at least that much for the bruise that I now have. It was all worth it though. Someone in this world got good use out of my "Grade A" desert! Oh, and an added benefit of donating part of your lunch is that it actually speeds up your metabolism! Too bad you can only donate 2 Nutty Bars at a time or else the "Desert Donation Diet" could be the next big thing.

Must Love Dogs

Dont Watch It.

Coach Carter

Watch It.

If I Had to Fight You, Id Say No!

I finally did it, almost. Ive been intending to rake, depoop, mow, seed and fertilize my lawn for about 6 weeks now. Knowing that I would put it off indefinitely (as I do with all the things I want to do) I decided that I would give myself a project every week. This weeks project is the yard (phase I). I accomplished my objective with the exception of putting the seed and fertilizer down. Since I work 10 hours tomorrow it doesnt look like Ill meet my deadline. Perhaps Ill do it Sunday.

Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous

Watch it.

You Shook Me So Hard Baby

The Five Love Languages

My primary love language is probably
Physical Touch
with a secondary love language being
Words of Affirmation.

Complete set of results

Physical Touch:		12
Words of Affirmation:		8
Quality Time:		7
Acts of Service:		3
Receiving Gifts:		0

Information

Unhappiness in relationships, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don't understand our partner's requirements, or even our own. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others.

Take the quiz

Come Sail Away With Me

My beautiful wife blogged the shit out of the cruise we went on, therefore, I will not blog very much on the topic. I would like to share this with you all though...

One sunny afternoon St. Marys 7 and I went up to the 11th floor of the ship. This is for all practical purposes the top of the ship (with the exception of a couple special decks). Its also where the pools and hot tubs are. She bathed in the sun while I swam in the 6' deep saltwater pool with the other children. The childrans became annoying quickly so I decided to try the hot tubs. As I approached tubs I noticed that one had 8 people in it and the other only had 4. I then noticed that the 8 were all white and the 4 were all black. Naturally I got in the hot tub that was less occupied. As soon as I sat down all 4 of the African Americans went silent. They looked at one another as if to ask, why did that white man just sit down in this hot tub. After a short moment of silence they resumed their discussions and we all enjoyed the bubbles.

Ladder 49

Watch it.

A Love Story With 2 Happy Endings

Lately Ive been holding back on my comments. Many a time Ive typed a very angry and spiteful comment you some of your blogs, read it over then deleted it because it was to over the top. Not that what I was writing wasnt how I felt. Lord knows it certainly was. For some reason I decided to censor myself. Ive displayed restraint. You might say that I shouldnt do that. But if you knew what Ive deleted you might change your mind. In short, Ive deleted some horrible things that I wanted to post. I dont regret deleting them and I dont regret feeling them.

If I Was Tall, Red and Angry This Is How Id Feel

1. three names you go by:
- katohater
- uncle redboy
- man squeeze

2. three things that scare you:
- failing my blogging responsibility
- the day after tomorrow
- the sun

3. three of your everyday essentials:
- anger
- biker bums
- special lady friend

4. three things you are wearing right now:
- dr. pepper pants
- lemon head t-shirt
- glasses

5. three things you need in a relationship (other than true love):
- anger
- a height advantage of at least 18 inches
- she must have vampire slaying skills

6. three physical things about the opposite sex that appeal to you:
- eyes
- eyes
- eyes

7. three things you want to do really badly right now:
- eat tacos
- watch dvds
- kill stemshul

8. three things you want to do before you die:
- take more quizzes
- take more quizzes
- take more quizzes

9. three ways that you are stereotypically a guy/gal:
- i like video games
- i love schwarzenegger movies
- i don’t shave my legs

10. three people i would like to see take this quiz:
(even though it’s not so much a ‘quiz’ as a questionnaire)
- riplet
- hudsy budsy
- mr. b

Cat Woman

Dont Watch It!

Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd:

You girls. I dont know who started all this but it reeks of the days when Ikyam would forward god only knows what to everyone who was foolish enough to give him their email address. You might say "well we all take the same quizzes and thats not any different." Well its not the same. Nobody puts your name at the end of this quiz and says they want you to take it too.

But, and this should in no way be considered approval of these activities because I certainly dont condone it, I will take the test.

1. Three names you go by:
- Honey
- Dan
- Asshole

2. Three things that scare you:
- Spiders
- Finding out Im not actually as awesome as everyone thinks I am
- Teenage girls

3. Three of your everyday essentials:
- A hot shower
- The internets
- A kiss from my wife

4. Three things you are wearing right now:
- Wedding ring
- Stupid Nike shirt my mother in law gave me for xmas 6 years ago
- Blue and grey boxer briefs

5. Three things you need in a relationship (other than true love):
- Sex
- Sex
- Sex

6. Three physical things about the opposite sex that appeal to you:
- Dark hair
- A nice butt (giggle giggle)
- A good mischievous grin

7. Three things you want to do really badly right now:
- Sleep
- Sleep
- Sleep

8. Three things you want to do before you die:
- Have sex in every state
- Live somewhere other than West Michigan
- Buy an RV and travel the U.S. for at least a year

9. Three ways that you are stereotypically a Guy/Gal:
- I fart
- I love tools
- I love electronics?

10. Three people I would like to see take this quiz:
(Even though it’s not so much a ‘quiz’ as a questionnaire)
- Noone
- Noone
- Noone

Its Been A Long Time Since I Rock N Rolled

Yesterday I was going through the archives looking for one of my old posts. As I did so I noticed that most of them were about all the stupid shit that would happen at the pizza places that Ive worked at. It wasnt hard to post on a regular basis back then. Somethings changed. I just dont have the anger I used to have anymore. While my new job isnt perfect, its a hell of a lot better than working with food. Not that the food was ever the problem. Theres something about being able to hide in the shop and never have to talk to customers. The only thing I have to worry about is my stupid coworkers (who really arent that bad) and rusted bolts.

Secret Destroyers

The shop I work at does a lot of tire sales. As a byproduct of this, we have several old tires stored away by the end of the week. What does one do with dozens upon dozens of old tires you ask? They call Larrys Tire Disposal. Every week Larry, a man who looks very much like Bruce McCulloch, comes and loads a large box truck up with all our used tires.

Monsters Ball

Watch it?

My Big Fat Greek Wedding

Watch it.

V for Vendetta

Watch it.

Hide and Seek

Dont Watch It!

Starsky and Hutch

Dont Watch It.

Runaway Jury

Watch it.

Wearer Number 10

Thats what I am. Im wearer number 10. My uniforms came in at work today and theyre glorious. Well, theyre not that glorious, infact theyre used and have seen better days. I probably just selected one of the older ones today. The bottom line is theyre blue, fire retardant and have my name sewn into them. Im loving it.

Button

Buttons are small disk or barrel shaped knobs that are attached to an article of clothing. They serve as fasteners when passed through a loop or button hole. Buttons are commonly made from bone, wood, coral, shell, metal, or ceramic. Magical buttons cannot be discerned from mundane buttons without the use of a detect magic spell.

The Forgotten

Watch it.

Babys Got A Fever

I had my first day at my new job today. It wasnt an actual work day but I got paid to be there. Paid to spend 5 hours infront of a computer reading company policies and doing little activities and taking review tests. I now know everything you could ever want to know about discrimination and lifting with your legs.

Shes My One And Only

I got the call today. I am officially a monkey now. I will be getting paid real money to fix peoples cars. I get oriented tomorrow. There is much excitement in the air. Soon I will be done with the pizza.

Secondhand Lions

Watch it!

Million Dollar Baby

Watch it!

"Thats A Lady Skating"

Well with Michelle not competing Im really not sure why theyre even holding this event. Womens figure skating that is. This is the first time in 12 years she hasnt competed in the Olympics and Im not sure the American fans know what to do.

Side bar- My stupid cat that doesnt let anyone pet her is rubbing up against my stupid dog that needs everyone to pet him.

OK, well it looks like Sasha is getting a medal and Japan is also going to get its first medal of the games.

Thats all Ive got.

Crazy Go Nuts

Watchin the Olympics again. Right now their doing Womens Arials. This stuff is pretty cool. Crazy women strapping 6' long boards on their feet and then jumping 50" in the air and spinning around in every direction over and over again on their way down. Im down with it. Im really excited about the Mans 500 Meter Short Track thats coming up. Old 3 names is sure get his ass kicked by the Koreans. I dont even know if theres Koreans in the race. I am sure that Ohno will get his ass kicked by some though.

Image found here.

Wicker Park

Dont Watch It.

The Island

Dont Watch It!

Happy Birthday Charlie

Ice dancing is on right now. I hate ice dancing. Not even my wife likes ice dancing and she was a figure skater her entire childhood. "Its the ugly stepsister of figure skating" she says. Im so upset about it that I cant even continue to complain. Fin.

The Sea Would Electricute Us All

OK, so up next on the Olympics is the Skeleton. This event is insane. These people get on this little sled thats just more than 6.4 centimeters off the ice. They lay down on thier stomach and go face first. Durring their trip they reach speeds in exces of 120km/hr.

So heres what Ive decided after watching this. Ill go get a helmet and some knee pads, get on my creeper and then one of you can pull me down the highway behind one of your cars.

Brokeback Short Track

We were watching the Olympics again tonight. For the most part it was pretty boring. What caught my attention was the big game of grab ass that people like to call Short-track speed skating: 5000 meter relay. These guys take turns going around this little track. When one guy is done with his turn the next guy gets in front of him and then the done guy pushes the new guys butt (yeah 3 8s) as hard as he can.

Homophobia aside this event proves to be pretty interesting. Youve got 16 mans out on the ice at one time and theyre constantly getting in each others way and if they make the smallest mistake theyll likely get a limb chopped off by another mans knife shoe.

Baby You Can Drive My Car

Well its that day again. All the girls at work asked me what I was doing for my wife today. And every time I responded: Nothing. Typical man, thats not very nice, blah blah blah. Yeah, I hear it every year. And every year I respond with: I dont love her any more today than I do any other day so what makes this day so special?

Along time ago, when my beautiful wife and I started dating, I told her that I dont observe Hallmark holidays. That doesnt mean your not going to get flowers and candy or that I dont love you. Ill get you those things when I want, not when Russell Stover says I should. And thats what I do. I get her things and its a surprise, its genuine and I think she prefers it that way.

I explained all this to a couple of the girls that were very persistent about me being an asshole. Then one of them said, "Well we (girlfriends and wives) need one day." Then she tells me that I have to find out what her boyfriend is doing for her (he works there too). When I find out Im to report to her. That way, if hes doing something for her she can do something for him but if hes not then shes not going to bother. I told her she should just go buy him some flowers and give them to him regardless of what hes going to do. She didnt like that idea.

What kind of world do we live in? Its gotten to the point where women focus so much on a select few days because their husbands/boyfriends/pimps dont know how to take care of them all year round. It makes me sad.

I know that not all women are like this and not all men dont know how to treat their ladies. Anger works better with broad sweeping generalizations.

God Will Have His Way

Holy shit! This Chineese girl just got the shit tibbed out of her. She didnt point but as we know god requires no points. It was in the pairs skating event and they were trying a 'throw quadruple salchow'. Now I dont know what makes it a salchow but what it comes down to is the guy picks the girl up and throws her and she spins around 4 times and lands on one skate. Well she missed and got wrecked hard core. Well thats the end of the program you think right. This girls knee caps have to be shattered and her femur has probably pulled out of her hip. Nope. They finished the program and got the silver metal. Fuck Texas, dont mess with China.