Watch out! Wet cement.. (retro)

I remember back in grade school, Josh, Dan and I made up a game called "Watch Out! Wet Cement". The basic premise of the game was that you couldn't step on any cement because it was wet and you would get stuck in it. Now as you can imagine it was next to impossible to go out and play for recess without stepping on cement. Fortunately you could gain points (steps on cement) by touching certain things. The most common were man hole covers and other underground drainage related objects. Where's the punch line in this story? There isn't one. That's all I've got.

Lets get it on with the alligator haters (retro)

The she-devil has been removed from the Neil section of ala goat. This is because the aliens who dumped her here have come back and taken her back to the hellish planet from which she came. Fortunately Neil has found another woman. We are working on acquiring a picture to put up for you. Your patience is appreciated.

Metroid Reviews (retro)

A couple of you have asked me what I think of the new Metroid games. Here's what I think:

Metroid Prime for the GameCube official site
What they did was they took the best technology they could and made a first person shooter out of a game that should never be in first person. Perhaps the most fun thing about the Metroid series is the play control and your ability to maneuver Samus. Well you know what you can't enjoy that kind of thing in this genre of video games. You can't even see your frickin' feet. Now true to Metroid form, the graphics and sound are outstanding. I don't play games because they're pretty though. Yeah it helps make the experience more enjoyable but if the game isn't fun then why play. Now I'm not saying that the game isn't fun. It's no Metroid though. This series was built on games with superior game play. The outstanding graphics and sound were extra. In this installment they seem to be the focus. Nintendo could have very easily have done what Konami with the new Contra game. They took all the technology and made a beautiful game out of Shattered Soldier but left the format alone and kept it in third person. I praise Konami for having the guts to make an awesome game rather than fall into the trap of going first person just because the genre is so popular. So to sum things up, only buy Metroid Prime if you're a die hard Metroid fan or really enjoy first person perspective games. If you're looking for a Metroid game like you've played before you wont find it here.

Metroid Fusion for the Game Boy Advance official site
Now this is a Metroid Game! We've got side scrolling action at it's finest. There are two draw backs though. The biggest being that you have to play it on the Game Boy Advance's little screen and inadequate speaker. Fine for short periods of time but becomes tiring after a while. The second problem is that you have to check in with your ship every 15 minutes or so. You have to do this to find out where you're headed next. Now I'm not very far in the game (no thanks to Nintendo for not shipping it on the day I took off to play it) so this may just be to help you get the feel for the game. Other that that the game is outstanding. It looks better and feels just like Super Metroid. There's new abilities like you can grab on to cliffs and climb ladders. I haven't come across any new weapons or items yet but as mentioned I haven't had much time to play. (Damn you Nintendo.) This game comes highly recommended to any fan of the series. Also if you have a Game Boy Advance and have never played Metroid go get it. You'll have lots of fun with it.

OK so there is one really cool thing about Prime. If you own both games and spend the $15 on the Nintendo GameCube Game Boy Advance cable then upon completion of Fusion you can link the two up and unlock the original Metroid on the GameCube. That in and of it's self may be worth the $50 for Prime.

The saddest day Grand Rapids every had (retro)

I sit here and cry as my Game Cube collects dust. Why am I crying on what should be the happiest day? The people at Nintendo have decided that Grand Rapids is not important to them. Metroid Prime and Metroid Fusion were released today. For over eight years loyal Metroid fans have sat by and watched as hundreds of crappy games have been made. None of which had Metroid in their title. We have been patient. Telling ourselves that there will be a new Metroid game. Well after our long wait Nintendo finally came through! Came through for people in Major cities that is. Nintendo doesn't feel that the good people of Grand Rapids are important enough to get it though. We must wait until tomorrow. So I sit here and cry as my Game Cube collects dust waiting for tomorrow when I will go to Electronics Boutique and play Metroid II, Return of Samus on my Gameboy Advance in their lobby until the shipment comes in.

Merry go round (retro)

Just so you know we're working on the basement again. Until something is completed though I thought I'd share an old grade school memory with you. Old grade school memories will be seen in this color from now on.

When I was in grade school we didn't have much of a playground. We had an old metal slide, monkey bars and a merry go round. If you were one of the cool kids then every recess you would run out side and grab a hold of the merry go round and push. Nobody would be riding the merry go round. It was more of a tug of war game. Some people would push clock wise while others pushed counter clock wise. Most days the merry go round would move no more than an foot or two in either direction. There were however those days where one or two people would all of the sudden switch sides and those who were originally on their side would now be getting trampled by their classmates. What happened to the good old days.

Random Email (retro)

Here's a random email that was forwarded to us:

Hello,
If you are a Time Traveler I am going to need the following:
1. A modified mind warping Dimensional Warp Generator # 52 4350a series wrist watch with memory adapter.
2. Reliable carbon based, or silicon based time transducing capacitor.
I need a reliable source!! Please only reply if you are reliable. Send a (SEPARATE) email to me at: Colt3113@aol.com
aholg80397tigwriteIrHHoYdf

Also let it be noted that all future random emails will be this color.

I Kimmed (retro)

I thought you all might like to know what employees at your local pizza place have to deal with every now and then. The following is an actual phone call received by a manager. The manger will be in this color. The customer will be in this color. All names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Thank you for calling A Pizza Place, my name is Pizza Manager, how can I help you?
Hi, I'd like to order a pizza.
OK, can I have your phone number please?
555-6464
Alright, what can I get for you?
I would like a large thin half cheese half no mushroom pizza.
A half cheese half no mushroom?
Yes, half cheese half no mushroom.
O.K. so you just want cheese on the whole thing?
No. I want half cheese half no mushrooms.
I'm not sure what you mean by no mushrooms. Do you mean a supreme with no mushrooms or a veggie lover with no mushrooms?
Is that what I said? I want a half cheese half no mushrooms pizza.
Sir, you can't just have no mushrooms. You have to start with something in order to make it no mushrooms.
I.. want.. a.. half.. cheese.. half.. no.. mushrooms.. pizza..
Can you hold on a second please?
Sure.
The manager puts the customer on hold and turns to his cook and says:
Do you know how to make a large thin half cheese half no mushrooms pizza?
The cook looks at the manager dumbfounded and shakes his head. The manager picks the phone back up:
OK sir tell me one more time what you would like.
What I told you, a large thin half cheese half no mushroom pizza.
I'm really sorry sir but I don't know how to make that. You can't have no mushrooms as a topping it just doesn't work that way.
Why are you making this so difficult? Get me a manager.
I am the manager sir.
Screw you then.
The cus

911 (retro)

We all are aware of the significance of today's date. When you turn your TV on today I have great confidence that you will have trouble escaping from the broadcast of 9/11 specials. Some of them will probably be good while others will probably be not that way. How does 64tacos feel it can best acknowledge 9/11? By giving you the opportunity to express your feelings about what's being shown on it's anniversary. Go to the forum, register yourself (it's free and really fun) then put your opinion up for others to comment on or comment on the opinions that are already there. Don't have an opinion? Go there anyway and form one based on everyone else's. If you don't want to discuss 9/11 that's fine. Start your own topic.

Chat rooms (retro)

While we were working on the basement we started talking about possible other things that we would like to have in the future. One thing that was mentioned was a chat room. We decided that it would be cool but didn't put much more effort into it than that. Well I got up this morning and Juke had already figured out how to do one. So now we have a chat room. Keep in mind it's very primitive but it's a great start and we're looking forward to seeing you there.

End of innocence (retro)

Sunday brings a new surprise for you all every week. A new person of the week. This week is going to be the last week for that surprise. We do have a very special person to end it with.

Who is this week's Person of the Week. You Are. I don't have to tell you why that is because you already know.

I have decided I don't like the format of 64tacos right now. As a result of this I am going to completely revamp it. 64tacos is getting a makeover. Some things will be kept. Others are history. As always your feedback is appreciated so if you have any concerns about this please email me at qorc@64tacos.com. (link has been removed)

There will be no more updates until the makeover is complete. When will this be you ask? I don't know. If you would like to be emailed when the new site is up send an email to igottaknow@64tacos.com (link has been removed) with the email address that you would like the email to be sent to.

One last thing to make Juke happy. Everyone should go check out www.kungfuchess.com. It's interesting.

Quote of the day:

• Last chance: Get our lowest rate and cash back!

POTWRB (retro)

Sunday is upon us. This means that it's time for a new Person of the Week.

This week we honor Robert Butler. Rob was one of the best cart attendants this side of the Mississippi. He also had a second life as Sidekick Squeeg. Right hand man to Super Shovel. With their partner Salt Boy they formed the Porch Patrol. The Porch Patrol helped protect the Meijer entrance ways from pesky slip and fall accidents and allowed for easier transport of shopping carts. The Porch Patrol has retired and all members have gone on to different things. Because of your dedication and willingness to push slush around with a squeegee you Rob, are our person of the week.

Quote of the Day:

• Generously sized to allow for shrinkage

Who said it? The Cotton Exchange

Stupid stupid idea (retro)

After looking at the results of the poll, it appears that all of you visit at least once a week and about half visit everyday. With this in mind I feel as though I haven't been fulfilling my duties. Unfortunately for the website work is occupying about 60 hours of my time a week. Because of this I'm left with little time to work on the website. As I know you all would like more content I am proposing this. If you have something that you find interesting and would like it to be viewed by anyone on the internet send it to us and we'll post it here in a new section we're calling 'The People's Voice'. It could be anything from a rant on how your hard shell tacos were soggy to a movie review. Our editors will edit it so don't worry about typing or spelling to much. If it's a movie review we ask that you use the 64taco movie review system. (We'll provide the pictures so don't worry about that.) I've added an email link to the menu so use it to send your stuff.

Quote of the Day:

• That was enough heroin to kill an elephant.

Who said it? Shock Bill

POTWKKPM (retro)

Here we are on Sunday again. Every one knows what that means... New Person of the Week!!!!!!!

This week we honor Kreiste KAat Pfchish Maan. Critter deserves this honor for many reasons. He is a New 1. He is one of the original Basement dwellers. Despite not reaching 10th level he has amassed an overwhelming amount of clip-ons. Perhaps the greatest reason though is he enlightened us to the 64. Were it not for Pheeisch our lives would all be dull and without purpose. He is truly a prophet and a great man. This is why we honor you Codder.

Quote of the Day:

• It's a required taste

Who said it? Eric at UCC Total Home

POTWSB (retro)

As it is Sunday today, it is time for a new person of the week.

Scare Bob is the Person of the Week this week because he is a great drummer in O.J.'s Bronco and he helps keep people safe by scaring the bad people away. He is also an accomplished actor. His acting debut in "Dollars To Dances" was phenomenal. Even though he had a brief bout with heroin addiction, he is back and better than ever. Gotta love those googly eyes. Rubber Johnson forever!

Quote of the Day:

• It's about time someone who knows what there doin' is on the staff besides John Randolph

Who said it? John Randolph

New Staff Member (retro)

Today we welcome a new staff member to 64tacos. Jaime has joined the team as David Ross' personal editor in chief. As Juke grows busier and busier and David's typing grows worse and worse the need for an additional editor became prevalent.

Quote of the Day:

• Did you make it?

Who said it? Jaime

Top 10 List (retro)

Do you remember the good old days when video games were limited to two dimensions. I'll bet that if you're from the generation of gamers who owned a Nintendo and made a list of your ten favorite games of all time at least 64% of them would be 2D. Here's my list.

1. Super Metroid (2D)
2. The Legend of Zelda (2D)
3. Final Fantasy 7 (3D)
4. Metroid (2D)
5. Sonic The Hedgehog 2 (2D)
6. Super Mario Brothers 3 (2D)
7. The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask (3D)
8. Mega Man 3 (2D)
9. Contra (2D)
10. Wolfenstein (3D)
    

As you can see over 64% of my ten favorite games are 2D. They don't need any of those fancy 3D effects. They're good games because the game play and story are good. Also two of the games that I put as 3D aren't ever true 3D.

Why is it that companies like Nintendo and Sony insist on forcing 3D games down our throats. I'll admit that a lot of them are beautiful. The only problem is that 'beauty is only skin deep'. Most of these games aren't that good.

I wish someone would put some sense back into the video game makers to allow them to make good games again.

METROID SHOULD NEVER BE A FIRST PERSON SHOOTER. NEVER!!!!!!!!!!!



Quote of the Day:

• 
  

Who said it? The greeters at Meijer.

Paczki (retro)

Tonight we're having our Packzi reunion. We will be compiling a complete song list, list of all the different rosters of band member, all venues played, and much much more. This is just another step needed to be taken for the basement.

While your waiting for that I'll be putting up a couple more movie reviews. I'll be reviewing Six String Samari, The Professional and Star Wars Episode II.

On that note, today we have a new review. Spider-Man has been reviewed. Go check it out. It contains our new tacos. These tacos are packed with even more yummy goodness and go down smooth.

Quote of the Day:

• I have been consorting with the all knowing Scare Bob and he assures me that their is a lacking where credit is due.

Who said it? Edward Lancaster III

The Minutes (retro)

I've got an oldie but goodie for you guys today. Some of you may recognize it some may not.

Once: It happens half the time.
Twice: It always happens
3 Times: It always has and always will happen
4 Times: It always has, will and is happening
5 Times: "Tuna"
6 Times: Drumming
7 Times: Error 7

I hope you enjoyed that trip down memory lane as much as I did.

Quote of the Day:

• swimming with be available

Who said it? Jenna's open house invitation.

Excuses (retro)

Very sorry about the lack of new content lately folks. I recently got a promotion and my work schedule is about 60 hours a week now.

Yes I realize that it's already Monday and I'm just now telling you who the new person of the week is. This does not in any way detract from the significance of this person.

This week we honor O.J. Simpson. O.J. has enriched our lives in many ways. From being one of the greatest running backs the NFL has ever seen to his acting career to single handedly putting Court TV on the map. Also, his Bronco police chase was pretty sweet too. If none of this had happened, there would never be the amazing band known as O.J.'s Bronco. It would probably still be named Outcast Loser People.

Quote of the Day:

• !!! Attention !!! Customers If your allergic to nuts please be aware that we DO have nuts in the premise

Who said it? Woody's Cone Stop

Until I stop playing DND (retro)

You people are amazing. I don't post any updates for two days and I receive emails complaining about there not being any new content. Well I don't have anything new for you today. I do however have as many of the old updates as could be recovered. Unfortunately the first two weeks have been lost. Lost forever. Lost until I stop playing DND.

There basement is getting closer to completion. Next Wednesday we will be building the history of The Infamous Packzi.

Quote of the Day:

• I'm sorry, nothing works on Spiderman.

Who said it? Suzi the ticket girl.

POTWYM (retro)

Its time for a new person of the week. This week we honor your mom. There are many reasons why your mom should be considered person of the week. I'm not going to list any of them. Happy Mother's Day.

Quote of the Day:

• It was easy. I told 'em I was you, I acted real stupid and they believed me.

Who said it? Ray Barboni (Dennis Farina) - Get Shorty

64 things (retro)

As a womanizer John Randolph is expected to apologize a lot. One thing that people don't realize is that being a womanizer gives you a special privilege. You are required to do a lot of the things people think you should apologize for. You loose your membership card and in John Randolph's case his job if he doesn't do many of the things you think he should have to apologize for. Because there is a lot of confusion regarding what womanizers like John do and don't have to apologize for we have constructed a list. This list is not to be considered complete and all encompassing in any way. It is the sixty-four things that first come to mind when this topic is brought up. Take a moment to look at it.

Sixty-Four things that John Randolph does not have to apologize for:

1. Anything
2. Caring about his hair too much
3. Constantly claiming people are checking him out
4. Smelling her panties
5. Making her pay for dinner
6. Constantly checking himself out
7. Stealing her panties
8. Fabricating stories to enhance his sexual image
9. Making her sleep in the wet spot
10. Always talking like James Bond
11. Smelling like cigar smoke and cheap whisky
12. Pinching his waitress' ass
13. Leaving the seat up
14. Claiming he doesn't know what happened to her panties
15. Your mother
16. Knowing all the strippers by name
17. Showing up at work drunk
18. Playing Final Fantasy 8 or Diablo all day instead of going to work
19. Making infomercials about losing weight by going to strip clubs
20. Writing hate-mail to Betty Crocker
21. Running around as Superman, wearing nothing but jeans as a cape
22. Stealing a Jigglypuff toy from a bastard child
23. Making the Neil Cap into a hat using duct tape and then putting it on Sonata
24. Shaving his scrotum
25. Putting his balls on Larry’s wood
26. Dumping girls for stupid reasons
27. Hiding Scare Bob behind the couch
28. Being concerned about Sonata’s shaved stomach
29. Making a duct tape cape and putting it on Sonata
30. Stealing other people’s girlfriends
31. Putting out on the first date
32. Forwarding e-mail
33. Making his crotch look big
34. Drawing a Precious Moments dwarf looking around a corner
35. Having amazing artistic talent
36. Eating all the food in your house
37. Videotaping himself saying that he will eat all the food in your house
38. Being shirtless
39. Passing gas and then ‘throwing’ it in your direction
40. Making this list
41. Burping and then blowing it in your direction
42. Using clichés
43. The sunshine on his shoulders
44. Knowing the words to most disco songs including “It’s Raining Men”
45. Letting his friends put his roommate’s Transformers into sexual positions
46. Being drunk and stoned for 36 hours
47. Saying "God gave you a hand didn't He?" when she complains about her neck hurting
48. Reminding her she has another hand when she complains of the first one being tired
49. Suggesting her neck should be feeling better right about now
50. Waking downtown in a doorway across from a bum who is drinking his rum
51. Covering a friend’s car with T.P. and shaving cream at his wedding
52. Always having a story
53. Bringing floozies to weddings or anyplace for that matter
54. Peeing on Steve’s dorm room floor
55. Earning the nickname “Touchy Feely Guy”
56. Regularly using the phrase “If I don’t remember it, it never happened”
57. Helping Luke “the Juke Box” Robitel in crazy schemes
58. Getting drunk and lost in Lansing every year
59. Sleeping in the house of some girl he found peeing behind a dumpster
60. Eating enough Easy Cheese to get cancer
61. Saying she like the fucking country dog man and meaning it as a compliment
62. Not contacting his girl on Valentine’s Day so he can play DnD
63. Dating Sara Rhodie for her 56” TV and DVD setup
64. The number 64
    

Quote of the Day:

• Have you heard the superman story yet?

Who said it? Anyone who has been to a party with Ted and has heard the superman story.

OJs Bronco, the name (retro)

After talking it over the band has decided to call themselves 'OJ's Bronco' The deciding factors were that it tied for first on the poll. OJ's Bronco has much marketing potential. Perhaps the greatest factor was a quote from one of the comments of a poll participant. "I feel 'OJ's Bronco' would be an awesome name for a band. It really defines our generation and puts everything in perspective for me."

Look, that DJ is feeding his face again.

It's that time again. Time to honor a new Person of the Week. This week we honor Matt Holwerda. Now, none of us actually knew Mr. Holwerda before last night, however we know his daughter and new son-in-law quite well. We salute you Mr. Holwerda for the free food and drink and the wonderful time had by all at your daughter's wedding. Also, for bringing together three former people of the week in one building... Jessica, Ted, and the artist formerly known as Luke Robitel.

Quote of the Day:

• If you want me off this ship, you're going to have to pry it from my cold dead hands.

Who said it? Matt Hooton in regards to his Carnival Cruise experience.

Poll Results (retro)

The results of our two polls have been calculated. Seventy-Eight percent of you said you did not like hearing from a former significant other. This makes me feel better. It confirms that I am not alone in my thinking. Not only am I not alone but I am part of the majority. If you'd like to see the results of the poll click here.

Regarding band names. We have a tie. 'OJ's Bronco' and 'Sock Monkeys on Crack' have both received thirty-three percent of the vote. The band is going to take this information and use it in their final decision as to what the band name should be. Your input is greatly appreciated. If you'd like to see the results of the poll click here.

Quote of the Day:

• My antics will drive them insane long before they can ritualistically terrorize me.

Who said it? Señor Robitel

Filled with hate (retro)

Maybe I'm just funny, but I have been pissed off twice in the last two weeks by two different people with which I have had an intimate relationship. For some reason these girls thought that I would like to talk to them and in doing so get reacquainted with them. They both ironically were the two other halves in the two worst relationships I have ever had in my life ever. Both girls should be fully aware of the fact that they hurt me in ways that until it happened I didn't know you could hurt someone.

I'm just amazed by these two. One happens to come into my place of employment and recognizes me then upon returning home calls and tells me I should call her and we should get together sometime and here's my phone number....... The other sends me an email telling me how she saw the website and how much she misses the old times and how much fun we had in the basement and how sorry she is (which was nice to hear I might add) and how she wants to know how everything is going.....

With that said and much of the built up aggression released from inside me I ask all of you a quick question. As stated moments ago I may just be funny but I have a feeling I'm not alone on this. Take a quick second to answer the question below. (The question has been removed.)

Quote of the Day:

• A true friend stabs you in the front.

Who said it? Oscar Wilde

Wonderful news (retro)

We have wonderful news. The Movie Review page and the It Came From the Basement page have both almost reach completion. Tomorrow evening or early Tuesday morning they will be available for your viewing pleasure. Juke has been working day and night (well mostly just night as he sleeps all day) to make this upgrade possible. I've been shown the rough draft for both sections and they're amazing. I've even heard rumors that Juke has been given offers by web design companies. A lot of the content is still incomplete. At this point we are almost ready to put our efforts into adding content. We have been concentrated on finishing their home. It will be outstanding.

Backbreaker!

We have a new Person of the Week. Vanessa Allen is another fan of our site. She visits at least once a day. In her spare time she enjoys posting flyers for 64tacos around the University of Nebraska campus. Her dedication and willingness to help spread the word of 64tacos has earned her this prestigious award.

Some of you may have noticed that the last couple People of the Week have been getting eight days. This is just to recalibrate so the week will actually start on a Sunday for each person.

Indestructible!

Another improvement is that past news updates will be located on their own pages. There will be a week's worth of updates located in the bar on the left. As the week passes, on updates older than a week will be removed and lost forever. Make sure you check often so as to not miss a beat.

No pain, no gain!

John Randolph is back from his suspension. It's been a hectic week without him so it's good to have him back.

Is it dead yet?

As part of our ongoing improvement Video Game Corner has been taken off for a short period of time. It will be re-released once the basement page has been completed.

Well, I don't know what to tell you other than your computer may be having technical difficulties.

Here's your Quote of the Day

• Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route.

Who said it? Steven Wright

David Rosss Return (retro)

Where do I start... Well I'll start with this, Florida was beautiful. We had a wonderful time with nothing to do. From the very beginning, we felt loved as Michigan showed it didn't want us to go. It tried it's best by putting a snow storm in front of us and sudden black ice pointed directly into the median. Despite all this we arrived in Florida on schedule. Spent time in the sun. Spent time in the rain. The beaches were beautiful. Golf was great. Not having a damn thing to do the whole time though, that's what was the best.

Now for what I'm sure all of you have been waiting for, my reaction to Luke's "takeover". What I have to say will be said in three parts. 1. What has happened. 2. What is happening. 3. What the future holds for 64tacos.

1. What has happened.
Luke was hired on because he did many wonderful things with Got Goat? and had many ideas on how to make 64tacos a nicer place to be. Luke, a man who needs someone looking over him at all times, was given full responsibility over 64tacos. An opportunity to prove he didn't need to be watched like a little kid in a candy shop. He took this opportunity to promote himself and attempt to destroy others.

2. What is happening.
I have had to take back full control of 64tacos. As agreed Luke will keep 'Extreme' for his own but all other projects will have to be overseen by myself. You may have noticed that a lot of his changes were reversed. Some of them however have stayed. Luke was hired because he has a natural sense of aesthetics when it comes to web design. He has again proven that he can put out a good product.

3. What the future holds for 64tacos.
Luke will keep his job. Many of you may ask, why keep someone who has shown such blatant disrespect. My answer is this. When I left I said this to Luke. "Luke, 64tacos is our way of entertaining the public. It's how we make people happy. Make people happy. Make them laugh. Keep them entertained." That's what he did. He entertained you. Just as I asked.

Is this going to go unpunished? No. Luke's punishment will be that he will no longer be named Luke. I have changed his name to Juke. The papers have already been signed. From now on Luke Robitel will be known as Juke Robitel.

On to other business. It is sad for me to see that Edward Lancaster III is no longer with us. I guess he has only himself to blame. If he was any good at giving financial advice we probably would have made enough money to pay him.

As of late two of our People of the Week have displayed atrocious behavior. Ted with his forwards and Juke with his self exaltation and disrespectful behavior. This proposes a very difficult question. Should they be allowed to keep there status of Person of the Week. I have thought long and hard about this.

Regarding Ted. Ted was given the title Person of the Week because he managed to go over a month without forwarding any junk. That in itself is an amazing feat. Ted will keep his title of Person of the week as long as Robert Downey Jr. keeps his Golden Globe. Yes he is a very talented actor but lets face it everyone knows they gave it to him because he was being good and not doing drugs. He had many much better performances before he did Ally McBeal. They didn't take it away from him when he went back on drugs. Well junk mail is Ted's drug and we support you all the way buddy. One thing I do find ironic about all this though is that not three months ago Ted changed his email address because he was 'receiving too much junk mail'. So in the same token I have changed my email address. If anyone else out there needs a new email address just let me know. I can give you one at 64tacos. Your address would be yourname@64tacos.com. To retrieve the mail you will need a program that can retrieve pop3 mail like outlook or outlook express.

Regarding Juke. At first some of you might not have understood the full severity of Juke's punishment. Luke Robitel will keep Person of the Week status. Juke Robitel will not. Luke was the one who received the title so he will keep it. All Juke will be able to do is look at it.

I have put John Randolph on suspension. I fear this will be a regular occurrence as he is a womanizer. Unfortunately, we can't fire him for this behavior as it is what he was hired to do.

With that I believe I have addressed every issue. I will now leave you with this.

I think McDonalds should add Crunchy McShrimp to their menu.

Why is his head so big? These people and their signing on and off.

Quote of the Day:

• I have met some dumb blonds in my life but you take the taco pal

Who said it? Dr. Peter Venkman, (Bill Murray) - Ghostbusters 2

Lukes take over: Day Last (retro)

A word on spam...

I got an e-mail last night that advertised "Helpful Septic Tank Information." How exactly did I get on this mailing list, pray tell? I don't own a septic tank and I don't want helpful information about them. I have to deal with enough poo as it is. (stupid monkeys)

Mr. Ross is supposed to be coming back tomorrow, so you might want to look closely at everything on this site, in case you missed any of the changes I made. There is a good chance that some of the more inappropriate changes will be made inaccessible after Mr. Ross sees them. I can't tell you exactly what changes were made because then you'd be able to find them easily. Think of it as a treasure hunt.

I figured out a clever name for the new color text thing. The "Random Questions" will be this color and the "Random Answers" will be this color. (See Below)

Do you want a Girl Scout cookie? Don't mind if I do.

I've decided that I can't do everything.

Quote of the Day:

• You're like the drunken abusive grandfather I never had.

Who said it? Chris Elliot in "Cabin Boy"

Oddly colored test (retro)

We have a new Person of the Week. He's a great guy and an amazing person. He's done wonderphul things phor this site. In phact, this site would not be the great site that it is, without his contributions. Check out the People of the Week page phor more inpho.

In case you hadn't noticed, oddly colored text has been popping up here and there. I have decided that I will change the color of the text when I am posting something that is pretty much unrelated to anything else. Phor instance, "Random Nuggets" will be this color. As soon as I think up clever names phor the other colored text things, I will let you know.

One other thing, this page was getting a tad on the text heavy side, thanks going primarily to myselph. Normally, I wouldn't give a rat's ass but the phile size was getting large and I know most of you are still stuck in the stone age with your 56k modems. So, I've done you a huge service by migrating all the David Ross news over to another page. It's not gone. Just moved to here (this link has been removed). No applause is necessary. No really, it was nothing. Plus, it makes this page look so much better, doesn't it? Bonus!

Do you want $3 to go to the Presidential Election Campaign Fund? No, but thanks for asking.

I think you should know that the world is full of stupid people.

Quote of the Day:

• We're giving you a free pager; just to say "Thanks."

Who said it? Some telemarketer guy

So long EL3 (retro)

I've got some sad news. Edward Lancaster III has involuntarily resigned as the Phinancial Advisor Tool of 64tacos. He decided that he wanted to be compensated for managing the phinances and the simple fact of the matter is that 64tacos is not able to compensate anyone at this time.

We would like to thank Edward Lancaster III for all his lack of effort. We hope there are no hard feelings and we wish him the best of luck in the future.

Also, I would just like to say that zombies are really cool.

Quote of the Day:

• Y'all don't know what it's like, being male, middle class, and white.

Who said it? Ben Folds in his song "Rockin' the Suburbs"

Forwards (retro)

Well, Ted's back to his old forwarding self. I wondered how long it would be before he started up again. Within the past 24 hours, I've gotten three crappy forwards from him.

Let's see, the first one was about replacing flight attendants with strippers so that there wouldn't be any more hijackings. Talk about a bunch of crap. Do you honestly think a pair of bouncing boobies are going to stop a religious fanatic from crashing a plane in the name of Allah? It would certainly make flying a lot less boring because I'd be hanging out in the Champagne Room. Oh, yeah.

I thought that this forwarded "waste of time" e-mail was just an isolated incident because Ted even said that he felt bad about doing it. I was willing to forgive one slip-up. Everyone makes mistakes, I mean, we are only human, right?

Wrong. Ted's got to be some sort of demon, who's only job is to make life miserable for everyone else.

So, I check my mail again and what do I find? You guessed it. Two more forwards. One was a picture of a room and after about 30 secs of staring at it, a "ghost" appears and screams at the top of it's lungs, leaving me with a load in my pants. I almost didn't dare look at what the other forward was. Eventually, I caved and decided to see what Ted found so utterly fascinating about this "killing kittens" e-mail. What I found was an image that was funny about four months ago when it first started circulating around the internet.

All of this is pretty darn funny, but it's not nearly as funny as what Dave will say when he finds three new forwards in his inbox after returning from vacation. Consider this your warning, Mr. Ted. If you continue down this path of endless forwards, your Person of the Week status will be revoked. Just be thankful that I haven't suspended you. If you play with fire, my friend, you will get burned.

Quote of the Day:

• Also, you'll find a pair of safety glasses and some earplugs under your seats. Please feel free to use them.

Who said it? Max Fischer (Jason Schwartzman) in "Rushmore"

Zim (retro)

I'd like to tell you about one of the best cartoons I have ever seen. It is called Invader Zim and it's about an alien who comes to Earth in hopes of one day claiming it for his race. He sets up a base disguised as a suburban home and begins going to elementary skool so that no one will suspect a thing. One of his classmates, named "Dib", figures out that Zim is an alien and tries to expose him to the world. The only problem is that no one believes Dib because he's always talking about UFOs and alien conspiracies.

This show is a work of pure genius and I highly recommend it to everyone. The sad part is that it has already been cancelled. No real reason was given so I have come up with my own reason and here it is: Nickelodeon sucks!

About a year ago, Zim made it's debut on Nickelodeon. Now, I know what you're thinking, "A good show on Nickelodeon, how is that possible?" Well, it was, until Zim got cancelled in mid-January. Nick hadn't even shown the second season yet, leaving everyone who liked the show scratching their heads like neanderthals.

I could go on about this forever but it won't change anything. There are twelve more episodes left to air from the second season. It's on Nickelodeon every Friday night at 9:30pm and then rerun on Sunday at 1pm.

Watch an episode and maybe you'll understand why no one understands.

Quote of the Day:

• Communism doesn't work because people like to own stuff.

Who said it? Frank Zappa

Lukes take over: Day 1 (retro)

He's gone! I am here. 64tacos is mine, all mine. As you can see, I have done some minor modiphications to the site. It was absolutely necessary. There is much more in store phor you and this site. So stick around! We'll be right back.

-Señor Robitel

Quote of the Day:

• ...and when the doctor said I didn't have worms any more, that was the happiest day of my life.

Who said it? Ralph Wiggum

Vacation Tomorrow (retro)

Tomorrow I leave on vacation in Florida. I will return on the 14th of April. Until that time I will be leaving Luke in total control of the site. He will be giving you updates as he sees fit. He will also be appointing the new person of the week next Friday. I have no doubts or worries about leaving him in charge as he has shown much enthusiasm and creativity with his special project 'Extreme'.

On to other business. This weeks person of the week is someone I spent many of my high school days and nights with. A very influential man in my life. His name is Chris Jordan. Chris helped form the band Stumpy, that would later be known to people as The Infamous Pakczi. He recorded many of the funniest things I've ever heard on computer witch would later be lost due to an overload of memory. Perhaps his greatest achievement would be authoring the New 1's. Because of all of this Chris Jordan you are our Person of the week.

Here's your quote of the day:

• See I aint tryin' to go through all that.

Who said it? Some stupid woman on Howard Stern

POTWTT (retro)

It's time again to honor a new Person of the Week. This week was a close race but there can only be one Person of the Week. The winner is Ted Torreson. Ted has an addiction. Every time he receives a forwarded email something inside of him forces him to forward it on. Well we at 64tacos would like to be the first to congratulate Ted on over a month of not forwarding. That's why your sir are our Person of the Week. Keep up the good work.

Know someone who you think deserves to be Person of the Week? Send us a 64 word or less email explaining why they're so great.

Here's your quote of the day:

• I feel like I ate a baby

Who said it? Nancy DeBruin

Velvet Goldmine (retro)

Another Movie Review request has been made. This time it can be answered. The request was for the movie Velvet Goldmine. It was not hard to find. It's available on VHS at Blockbuster.

Now when the request was made I had no idea the contents of the movie. After I had watched it for about 10 minutes I realized that I had seen it before. Never a good sign. If you've never heard of a movie and then come to find out that you have seen the entire movie before the movie without a doubt sucks and your consciousness has been doing everything it can to keep you from acknowledging its existence.

Goldmine is about Arthur Stuart, a reporter for the Herald who is told to do a story about a glam rock pop star, named Brian Slade, who ten years ago faked his own death for a publicity stunt. Immediately there after his popularity plummeted into obscurity. The story is very personal to Stuart as he was a huge fan of Slade and often fantasized about him.

The format of the movie is just like Citizen Kane in that Stuart finds out things about Slade by going and talking to people who knew him and then they tell their story. There isn't any striking dialogue, the cinematography is plain, and the music is at best on par for glam rock music.

To sum it all up I'm only giving this movie five short paragraphs of my time because the only people who would or should be interested in it are hard core glam rock fans and people who like shitty movies. If you are one of these people you probably agree with me and have seen it already.

Here's your quote of the day:

• I like minimalism, but only in small doses.

Who said it? T.J.

Stupid Requests (Retro)

Previously it had been stated that if anyone wanted a movie reviewed by 64tacos Movie Review that all you would have to do is ask and it would be reviewed within a week. We would like to add a qualifier to this. The movie must be available for rent on VHS or DVD in the greater Grand Rapids area or for sale on DVD. As much as we would like to review Creatures the World Forgot, it is not available for rent at any of the 40 video rental stores in and around Grand Rapids, and hasn't been released on DVD. If anyone has a copy and would like to send it to 64tacos email us from this link. (We have already gotten a copy so don't send another.)

Here's your quote of the day:

• and the whole world loves it when you don't get down

Who said it? Outkast

AOL Sucks