David Rosss Return (retro)

Where do I start... Well I'll start with this, Florida was beautiful. We had a wonderful time with nothing to do. From the very beginning, we felt loved as Michigan showed it didn't want us to go. It tried it's best by putting a snow storm in front of us and sudden black ice pointed directly into the median. Despite all this we arrived in Florida on schedule. Spent time in the sun. Spent time in the rain. The beaches were beautiful. Golf was great. Not having a damn thing to do the whole time though, that's what was the best.

Now for what I'm sure all of you have been waiting for, my reaction to Luke's "takeover". What I have to say will be said in three parts. 1. What has happened. 2. What is happening. 3. What the future holds for 64tacos.

1. What has happened.
Luke was hired on because he did many wonderful things with Got Goat? and had many ideas on how to make 64tacos a nicer place to be. Luke, a man who needs someone looking over him at all times, was given full responsibility over 64tacos. An opportunity to prove he didn't need to be watched like a little kid in a candy shop. He took this opportunity to promote himself and attempt to destroy others.

2. What is happening.
I have had to take back full control of 64tacos. As agreed Luke will keep 'Extreme' for his own but all other projects will have to be overseen by myself. You may have noticed that a lot of his changes were reversed. Some of them however have stayed. Luke was hired because he has a natural sense of aesthetics when it comes to web design. He has again proven that he can put out a good product.

3. What the future holds for 64tacos.
Luke will keep his job. Many of you may ask, why keep someone who has shown such blatant disrespect. My answer is this. When I left I said this to Luke. "Luke, 64tacos is our way of entertaining the public. It's how we make people happy. Make people happy. Make them laugh. Keep them entertained." That's what he did. He entertained you. Just as I asked.

Is this going to go unpunished? No. Luke's punishment will be that he will no longer be named Luke. I have changed his name to Juke. The papers have already been signed. From now on Luke Robitel will be known as Juke Robitel.

On to other business. It is sad for me to see that Edward Lancaster III is no longer with us. I guess he has only himself to blame. If he was any good at giving financial advice we probably would have made enough money to pay him.

As of late two of our People of the Week have displayed atrocious behavior. Ted with his forwards and Juke with his self exaltation and disrespectful behavior. This proposes a very difficult question. Should they be allowed to keep there status of Person of the Week. I have thought long and hard about this.

Regarding Ted. Ted was given the title Person of the Week because he managed to go over a month without forwarding any junk. That in itself is an amazing feat. Ted will keep his title of Person of the week as long as Robert Downey Jr. keeps his Golden Globe. Yes he is a very talented actor but lets face it everyone knows they gave it to him because he was being good and not doing drugs. He had many much better performances before he did Ally McBeal. They didn't take it away from him when he went back on drugs. Well junk mail is Ted's drug and we support you all the way buddy. One thing I do find ironic about all this though is that not three months ago Ted changed his email address because he was 'receiving too much junk mail'. So in the same token I have changed my email address. If anyone else out there needs a new email address just let me know. I can give you one at 64tacos. Your address would be yourname@64tacos.com. To retrieve the mail you will need a program that can retrieve pop3 mail like outlook or outlook express.

Regarding Juke. At first some of you might not have understood the full severity of Juke's punishment. Luke Robitel will keep Person of the Week status. Juke Robitel will not. Luke was the one who received the title so he will keep it. All Juke will be able to do is look at it.

I have put John Randolph on suspension. I fear this will be a regular occurrence as he is a womanizer. Unfortunately, we can't fire him for this behavior as it is what he was hired to do.

With that I believe I have addressed every issue. I will now leave you with this.

I think McDonalds should add Crunchy McShrimp to their menu.

Why is his head so big? These people and their signing on and off.

Quote of the Day:

• I have met some dumb blonds in my life but you take the taco pal

Who said it? Dr. Peter Venkman, (Bill Murray) - Ghostbusters 2

Lukes take over: Day Last (retro)

A word on spam...

I got an e-mail last night that advertised "Helpful Septic Tank Information." How exactly did I get on this mailing list, pray tell? I don't own a septic tank and I don't want helpful information about them. I have to deal with enough poo as it is. (stupid monkeys)

Mr. Ross is supposed to be coming back tomorrow, so you might want to look closely at everything on this site, in case you missed any of the changes I made. There is a good chance that some of the more inappropriate changes will be made inaccessible after Mr. Ross sees them. I can't tell you exactly what changes were made because then you'd be able to find them easily. Think of it as a treasure hunt.

I figured out a clever name for the new color text thing. The "Random Questions" will be this color and the "Random Answers" will be this color. (See Below)

Do you want a Girl Scout cookie? Don't mind if I do.

I've decided that I can't do everything.

Quote of the Day:

• You're like the drunken abusive grandfather I never had.

Who said it? Chris Elliot in "Cabin Boy"

Oddly colored test (retro)

We have a new Person of the Week. He's a great guy and an amazing person. He's done wonderphul things phor this site. In phact, this site would not be the great site that it is, without his contributions. Check out the People of the Week page phor more inpho.

In case you hadn't noticed, oddly colored text has been popping up here and there. I have decided that I will change the color of the text when I am posting something that is pretty much unrelated to anything else. Phor instance, "Random Nuggets" will be this color. As soon as I think up clever names phor the other colored text things, I will let you know.

One other thing, this page was getting a tad on the text heavy side, thanks going primarily to myselph. Normally, I wouldn't give a rat's ass but the phile size was getting large and I know most of you are still stuck in the stone age with your 56k modems. So, I've done you a huge service by migrating all the David Ross news over to another page. It's not gone. Just moved to here (this link has been removed). No applause is necessary. No really, it was nothing. Plus, it makes this page look so much better, doesn't it? Bonus!

Do you want $3 to go to the Presidential Election Campaign Fund? No, but thanks for asking.

I think you should know that the world is full of stupid people.

Quote of the Day:

• We're giving you a free pager; just to say "Thanks."

Who said it? Some telemarketer guy

So long EL3 (retro)

I've got some sad news. Edward Lancaster III has involuntarily resigned as the Phinancial Advisor Tool of 64tacos. He decided that he wanted to be compensated for managing the phinances and the simple fact of the matter is that 64tacos is not able to compensate anyone at this time.

We would like to thank Edward Lancaster III for all his lack of effort. We hope there are no hard feelings and we wish him the best of luck in the future.

Also, I would just like to say that zombies are really cool.

Quote of the Day:

• Y'all don't know what it's like, being male, middle class, and white.

Who said it? Ben Folds in his song "Rockin' the Suburbs"

Forwards (retro)

Well, Ted's back to his old forwarding self. I wondered how long it would be before he started up again. Within the past 24 hours, I've gotten three crappy forwards from him.

Let's see, the first one was about replacing flight attendants with strippers so that there wouldn't be any more hijackings. Talk about a bunch of crap. Do you honestly think a pair of bouncing boobies are going to stop a religious fanatic from crashing a plane in the name of Allah? It would certainly make flying a lot less boring because I'd be hanging out in the Champagne Room. Oh, yeah.

I thought that this forwarded "waste of time" e-mail was just an isolated incident because Ted even said that he felt bad about doing it. I was willing to forgive one slip-up. Everyone makes mistakes, I mean, we are only human, right?

Wrong. Ted's got to be some sort of demon, who's only job is to make life miserable for everyone else.

So, I check my mail again and what do I find? You guessed it. Two more forwards. One was a picture of a room and after about 30 secs of staring at it, a "ghost" appears and screams at the top of it's lungs, leaving me with a load in my pants. I almost didn't dare look at what the other forward was. Eventually, I caved and decided to see what Ted found so utterly fascinating about this "killing kittens" e-mail. What I found was an image that was funny about four months ago when it first started circulating around the internet.

All of this is pretty darn funny, but it's not nearly as funny as what Dave will say when he finds three new forwards in his inbox after returning from vacation. Consider this your warning, Mr. Ted. If you continue down this path of endless forwards, your Person of the Week status will be revoked. Just be thankful that I haven't suspended you. If you play with fire, my friend, you will get burned.

Quote of the Day:

• Also, you'll find a pair of safety glasses and some earplugs under your seats. Please feel free to use them.

Who said it? Max Fischer (Jason Schwartzman) in "Rushmore"