The Island

Dont Watch It!

Happy Birthday Charlie

Ice dancing is on right now. I hate ice dancing. Not even my wife likes ice dancing and she was a figure skater her entire childhood. "Its the ugly stepsister of figure skating" she says. Im so upset about it that I cant even continue to complain. Fin.

The Sea Would Electricute Us All

OK, so up next on the Olympics is the Skeleton. This event is insane. These people get on this little sled thats just more than 6.4 centimeters off the ice. They lay down on thier stomach and go face first. Durring their trip they reach speeds in exces of 120km/hr.

So heres what Ive decided after watching this. Ill go get a helmet and some knee pads, get on my creeper and then one of you can pull me down the highway behind one of your cars.

Brokeback Short Track

We were watching the Olympics again tonight. For the most part it was pretty boring. What caught my attention was the big game of grab ass that people like to call Short-track speed skating: 5000 meter relay. These guys take turns going around this little track. When one guy is done with his turn the next guy gets in front of him and then the done guy pushes the new guys butt (yeah 3 8s) as hard as he can.

Homophobia aside this event proves to be pretty interesting. Youve got 16 mans out on the ice at one time and theyre constantly getting in each others way and if they make the smallest mistake theyll likely get a limb chopped off by another mans knife shoe.

Baby You Can Drive My Car

Well its that day again. All the girls at work asked me what I was doing for my wife today. And every time I responded: Nothing. Typical man, thats not very nice, blah blah blah. Yeah, I hear it every year. And every year I respond with: I dont love her any more today than I do any other day so what makes this day so special?

Along time ago, when my beautiful wife and I started dating, I told her that I dont observe Hallmark holidays. That doesnt mean your not going to get flowers and candy or that I dont love you. Ill get you those things when I want, not when Russell Stover says I should. And thats what I do. I get her things and its a surprise, its genuine and I think she prefers it that way.

I explained all this to a couple of the girls that were very persistent about me being an asshole. Then one of them said, "Well we (girlfriends and wives) need one day." Then she tells me that I have to find out what her boyfriend is doing for her (he works there too). When I find out Im to report to her. That way, if hes doing something for her she can do something for him but if hes not then shes not going to bother. I told her she should just go buy him some flowers and give them to him regardless of what hes going to do. She didnt like that idea.

What kind of world do we live in? Its gotten to the point where women focus so much on a select few days because their husbands/boyfriends/pimps dont know how to take care of them all year round. It makes me sad.

I know that not all women are like this and not all men dont know how to treat their ladies. Anger works better with broad sweeping generalizations.

God Will Have His Way

Holy shit! This Chineese girl just got the shit tibbed out of her. She didnt point but as we know god requires no points. It was in the pairs skating event and they were trying a 'throw quadruple salchow'. Now I dont know what makes it a salchow but what it comes down to is the guy picks the girl up and throws her and she spins around 4 times and lands on one skate. Well she missed and got wrecked hard core. Well thats the end of the program you think right. This girls knee caps have to be shattered and her femur has probably pulled out of her hip. Nope. They finished the program and got the silver metal. Fuck Texas, dont mess with China.

Out With the Jelly, In With the Ketchup

Looks like Michelle is done. She wont be taking the gold home ever which is sad and all but we can all rejoice knowing that the Flying Tomato will be blinging it up.

Picture found here.