So we get to start this fun cycle over again.

Smoking. I am a smoker. I havent smoked a cigarette in 2 years and 8 months, but I am a smoker. After every meal I think about smoking. Every time I see someone on TV or in a movie smoking Im reminded just how wonderful it is. The anti smoking adds make me want to smoke. Just typing this makes me want a cigarette. I love smoking. I am addicted to more then just nicotine and I dont think that I will ever overcome that. Not that Ive had a hard life but not smoking is the hardest thing I have ever done. The hardest part is, its not something that you do and then its done. Its something that you are constantly doing, every day, every hour and every minute of your life.

When I lived in Grand Rapids, Neil and I had an ongoing bet. Whoever smoked first had to pay the other person $64. We would take turns smoking first and the actual money never crossed hands. There would be times where we would call a temporary "cease fire" and both of us would smoke freely for a predetermined amount of time. This bet was a big help for me. I think it helped Neil out too. It was good to have someone to go through the quiting with. Someone to hold you accountable. Someone to be understanding when you failed.

Neil owes me $64. He was the last to lose the bet. Somehow I cant help but feel a little bit responsible for his failure though. Every time he smokes it reminds me of my own struggle. Im not going to require payment of this debt when we get back. I would like to propose a new bet though. So Neil, starting on June 4th, If youre willing, Id like to restart our bet. I have a feeling that Im going to need the extra incentive being back in GR and I know youre still struggling with it.

I would also like to congratulate you on going 2 days without smoking this past weekend. Thats 2 less days of smoking and every day you dont smoke counts.