Xmas Part 2

!!!WARNING!!! This post is stupid long and you may want to read it chapter by chapter.

Prologue
It all started on the eve of the holiday. I worked at high noon and by 5:00 when Ugly arrived I had amassed 2 whole deliveries. While I didnt make any money the shift proved to be a double edged sword and allowed me to cut out prior to the dinner rush and in time to tell my wife to wait for me before leaving for Dutchland for xmas with her moms side of the family.

Chapter 1
We arrived in Dutchland Minor early. St. Marys 7s grand parents, parents, brother and his new family have already arrived at Aunt Ruths house. Fortunately there werent enough chairs for the 14 of us, Especially since there were another 8 people still to come. The gift exchange at this event was in 2 parts. First everyone passes out all the cookie/candy/goodie baskets that they uniformly made for every other family. These gifts reflected the givers creativity : ambition : financial stability ratio. Some just went to Koezes and dropped a couple C notes on fancily packaged tasty nuts, some baked while others canned/jarred. Perhaps the tastiest treat was the homemade salsa Aunt Kathy made. (Just typing about it made me have to go upstairs and get some.) Next was the least exciting gift exchange Ive ever witnessed. Everyone who wanted to take part could was to bring a $20 gift certificate. All the certificates are wrapped/bagged/disguised and put into the center of the room on the floor. Cousin Jenny brings her "Jingo" (its link bingo only better because its xmased up) boards and cards and everyone playing gets one. If you get a Jingo, you then get to pick a gift card from the center. The next person to get Jingo picks another card and so on. If you are fortunate enough to get a second Jingo you are given the option to steal an already opened gift card or keep your card. With that celebration out of the way it was time to go home and rest up for the big day.

Gift summary: Koezes Nuts, homemade salsa, homemade cookies, gourmet popcorn gift pack. (I did not take part in the $20 exchange.)

Chapter 2
Early in the morning (11:00) we head over to my moms house. As is tradition St. Marys 7 goes and helps my step dad with breakfast and my little sister and I shake, rattle and roll all the presents under the tree in a glorious attempt to ruin the day. With the contents of all the packages calculated we eat a delicious breakfast of French toast, bacon burnt beyond recognition (my moms soul responsibility in the feast preparation) sausage and fruit. After a calculated insurgence on our food by the candle center piece we move to the living room to open presents. With no ridiculous games to guide us through the present opening ceremony we resort to more scientific means, youngest to oldest. Many wonderful gifts were given (I received the work bench I asked for) and my mother actually listened to my sister and my requests for no candy in the stocking this year. No candy other then the habitual chocolate letter that is. Unfortunately we were not given much time to visit and needed to move on to our next stop.

Gift summary: Work bench, chocolate letter, visor sunglasses holder.

Chapter 3
Next we rush off to St. Marys dads side of the family. At nearly 2:00 now we are definitely at least an hour late. Most of you know how I hate being late to things. I dont mind in this case. All this means is that I didnt have to sit in silence on 30 year old furniture in a small room filled with 20+ people. Im not sure why it is but these people dont talk to each other. Gifts are given as follows. Everyone who wants to puts their name in and then selects a random name from the collection of names. You then purchase a gift for that person totaling around $20-25. On top of this aunt Diane (the only unmarried child of grandma) gets everyone a gift that usually costs around $10. All the adults and older children get grandma gifts and she buys gifts for everyone. All these gifts are piled "under" the tree and whoever has the misfortune of sitting next to the tree after the game of musical chairs that we called eating dinner is over has to distribute them. This year I was on one side of the tree and St. Marys brothers lady friend was on the other. Had the other side been anyone else I would have just sat there silently and pretended I didnt know what was going on but since Im 7 years her senior in this crazy xmas gathering I put my cowardly ways aside and started handing out presents. I however, did not leave my chair. I just grabed a gift and passed it in the direction the person was in. This proved to be quite effective as there is no real order at this gathering and as soon as youre handed a present you open it regardless of weather someone else is opening one or not. I opted out on the pick a name exchange so that ment that my gifts were going to be a crapshoot. You dont ask Aunt Diane for anything because you dont want to assume that shes going to get you something. I did well and got a Frank Lloyd Wright month calendar. Grandma on the other hand usually goes out and gets stuff off peoples lists but this year wasnt up to it and decided to "do her shopping in her attic". Now Ive not spent a lot of time in the attics of old ladys but apparently there is some interesting stuff. The youngest 2 grandchildren, 2 15/16 year old girls, both got Tweetie Bird long underwear pajamas. I managed to get a pocket toolset and "The Amazing Safety Alarm". Fortunately she had the sense to include with everyones gifts $50 cash. Last and always least is the obligatory 2' tall decorative nutcracker from Uncle Dale in California.

Gift summary: Calendar, pocket toolset, "The Amazing Safety Alarm", $50 cash, nutcracker.

Chapter 4
The grand finally is over at the in laws house. First it should be said that 8 year olds are clever little beasts. As soon as we walk into the house we are told, by said 8 year old, that it is up to us to decide weather we should eat or open presents first. Smart enough to see through this rouse we say wed like to crush your dreams, I mean, eat first. Not to be out done the short one drags my unsuspecting wife into the living room to see her new puppy. Now we knew that this puppy was really just one of those god awful "breathing" contraptions that they try to push on you at the mall. It comes in a cleverly packaged box that has holes in it so that "it doesnt run out of air" and it has a fancy bed and if you dont know whats going on, or are 8, you could very easily believe that theres a real puppy sleeping in that box. And of course it wasnt wrapped so this little girl had spent the last 30 minutes looking at this box, filled with hope and desire. Filled to the brim with excitement at the thought of a brand new puppy for her to love and hold and squeeze. Abby (the 8 year old) tells St Marys to open the box and look at it. Assuming that everyone in the room knew the truth about this box, she does open it. "See it. Its my puppy. Wait? Its not breathing! Why isnt it breathing?!?! ITS DEAD!!!!" Very quickly it was decided that the kids should each be allowed to open 1 present (Abbys being the dead puppy) and it was explained to her that her puppy wasn’t dead, it was never alive. Its soul purpose is to deceive people into thinking its alive. When she realized that there were easily 25-30 other presents under the tree for here she got over the dead dog and agreed to eat something. We ate and by 8:00 were opening presents again. I received a lovely Eddie Bower combination tool and $30 gift card to Sears from Chris and Kari. Though I didn’t get many presents I did receive the biggest present, my desk. Now you might say, how do you dare ask for something so expensive? Well, I dont. I put it on my list as a challenge. It was accompanied with many other reasonably priced items, all of which would have been easier to acquire. While the desk was the only gift I received from my mother and father in law (other than a stocking full of strange goodies) it was accompanied with, what I can only assume is, a check for the amount of money they spent on the others minus the value of the desk. Looks like I should have asked for the hutch too.

Gift summary: Desk, $50, $30 Sears Gift Card, Multi Tool, Stocking of Strange and Wonderful Things.

Epilogue
Before the 2 days for baby Jesus came to an end we had some of the regulars over for cards and eatings. God didnt want us to go sledding like we usually do. Oh well. We had a lot of fun and will sled another day.