Red Hot

Ive been making chili for several years now. It started out about average and over the years has gotten really good. Its to the point where Im thinking about entering a Chili Cookoff. Im not quite to the point of entering (I still use ground beef for my meat after all) but its getting close.

In preperation I decided to find out what associations and groups there are for the cookoff and what the rules are and basically how it all goes down. One thing that I found interesting is that beans are not allowed. Now Im just a white kid from the midwest and have only been to Texas once and that was for less then 5 hours along the highway but Ive only ever known chili with beans. Personally I dont have a problem excluding the beans. They certianly arent my favorite part and with the last incarnation of my recipe I only put half as many in anyway. It just doesnt seem right.

Anyway, Im going to take the beans out of my chili and figure out what form of meat Im giong to use. Perhaps Ill visit a cookoff once before I enter. At any rate, I have much work to do. This is one of the things Id like to achieve in life. Id like to win a chili cookoff.

Thank God For Camera Phones

Interview complete. We arrived around 6:39am. As we walked up the people in charge said that there were about 5,000 people there and they were expecting another 5,000 to show up in the next couple hours so they needed us to compact the line a little bit. As the sun rose we waited mere feet from the shade of the tent. After things had heated up some of the the ladies came out. Haley Marie and Anya were there. I ran over to them and pushed my way up and got my picture taken with them. It was glorious.

A little after noon, they come on the PA again and explained how this was all going to go down. Everyone was going to be divided into groups of 10 and the groups of 10 would go up to 1 of the 8 tables that each had a scout at them. The scout would then listen to your pitch for why you should be on the show. Each person will have 20 seconds. If you job isnt interesting they dont care about it. If youre not going to do anything interesting with the money, they dont care about it. You have 20 seconds to prove that youre interesting enough to be on the show so dont waiste their time, or yours, with mundane information. You wont get on the show if you do. ONLY TELL THEM INTERESTING THINGS.

About 3 hours later our group got up to the front. Most of the other people did exactly what they were told not to and waisted their time Telling them where they were from and their kids names and borring shit. I essentially said this: "Hi, Im Dave. Im going to have #6 and #4 stand in front because 64 is the best number in the world and then from there Im going to let my die do the picking." At which point I rolled all the die on the table.  "Ill use the 30 sided die for the first round, 20 sided for the second round, 12 side, 10 sided and on and on." The guy said, "OK, cool." Which is more then he said for most of the other people in my group.

I dont know if Ill be on the show yet. Theyve been known to call people back the next day. Theyve also called people 9 months after their interview. If I get the call back youll be the first to know.

Luck Be A Lady

Wish me luck. In 9 hours Ill be in line for Deal or No Deal.

Deal of No Deal Application

WHAT WAS THE LUCKIEST MOMENT IN YOUR LIFE? The moment I missed my future wife’s street while I was bringing her home on our first date. We wound up having to turn around in an undeveloped cul-de-sac. I asked innocently if I missed her street. She smiled and said she thought I had ulterior motives. I went in for a kiss. It was the best first kiss I’ve ever had.

WHAT IS YOUR OCCUPATION? Automotive Technician at Sears Auto Center

WHAT IS THE MOST INTERESTING JOB YOU HAVE EVER HAD? Pizza Delivery Driver. You meet a lot of interesting people while carrying a stack of pizzas.

WHAT IS THE MOST INTERESTING THING ABOUT YOU THAT STRANGERS CAN’T TELL JUST BY LOOKING AT YOU? The most interesting thing about me is my undying love for my wife. She is the single most important thing to me in the world. I would do anything for her.

TELL US AN EMBARRASSING STORY ABOUT YOURSELF: I am terrified of spiders (and most bugs for that matter). I also talk in my sleep and sleep walk. Periodically Ill have nightmares about spiders that will result in me jumping out of bed or sitting up and screaming. My wife loves embarrassing me by telling people what she witnesses when I wake her up doing this.

WHAT IS THE MOST OUTRAGEOUS THING YOU’VE EVER DONE? My friends and I like to “Tib” one another. To tib someone is to strike their knee, especially with a hard object after pointing. Whenever we get together it always winds up with someone’s knees bloodied and everyone rolling on the ground laughing. What’s outrageous about this is that it happens every time, without fail.

WHAT IS THE NEXT MILESTONE IN YOUR LIFE? Hopefully purchasing a house and having kids.

OTHER THAN YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER, WHO WOULD BE YOUR MAIN SUPPORTER? My sister Jenna and best friends Dan, Zac and Neil

DO YOU HAVE A GOOD LUCK CHARM? No, but I do have lucky die.

WHO LIVES IN YOUR HOME WITH YOU? My wife, Jaime, my best friend Dan, and my 2 stinky dogs Bishop and Hudson.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOU WON A MILLION DOLLARS? When I win the million dollars I’m going to pay off all my credit cards, my truck loan and wife’s student loans. Next, I’m going to take my wife on the fancy exotic honeymoon that we never got to go on. When we get back Ill buy all the tools I need for work (and some I don’t need). Lastly were going to finally purchase a house and start a family.

Somebody Told Me, This is the Place, Where Everythings Better, Everythings Safe

I didnt get much sleep last night. There was a very pressing matter keeping me up. Every time Id start to doze off hed ask me that question: "Deal, or no deal?" I dont know Howie! Well have to ask the die.

Ive been tossing around the idea of trying to get on the Deal of No Deal. 2 weeks from yesterday theyre holding open casting calls right here in Phoenix. Alls I gots ta do it go down there and show them how awesome I am. Theyll give me my golden ticket and its off to LA for me, my friends and a couple sets of lucky die. Unfortunately, Phoenix is crazy big so theres going to be mad people going to this thing and only the best of the best will be picked. You gots to have a gimmick. They dont just let any Joe Blow off the street on. Heres my plan:

Step 1: Kiss ass.
In step one I tell them how much I love the NBC. How, with the exception of LOST, every show I watch is on NBC. Then I tell them how great Howie is and how hes the perfect host for this show (because lets face it he is).

Step 2: Gain the Pity Vote
Ill start by telling them how Jaime and I got married so young and we didnt have any money so we didnt get a fancy honey moon. Then Ill go on about how we are in major debt and how Jaimes been in school and how we moved across the country just so she could get a teaching job. (Or did we move to go on Deal or No Deal???)

Step 3: The Gimic
Ill be dressed in my Choose Your Weapon tshirt and cargo pants. Ill choose case 20 as my own. This is because when your roll a 20 on an attack its a critical hit. My first 6 cases will be 21-26. Once I have only numbers 1-19 standing Ill ask if I can have #6 stand to the left of #4 down in the front and the rest of the girls stand behind them. Ill have my best sets of die with me and the die will do the picking. The next 5 cases will be determined by d20 rolls. If I roll a 20, 6 or 4 itll be a reroll. (It will have likely hit the thing.) The next 4 will be 2 d12s and 2 d10s. Since it will be very unlikely that only the low numbers will be left, the lowest number will be a roll of 1 and the highest number will be the highest roll possible. This will continue until the banker has made a worthy offer.

Last Night, Kyle Quit the Band

Last night, Josh, Neil, Dan and I were walking around at Calvin. We went into one of the dorms and there were some people sitting in the lobby with their drums guitars and bass guitar. The stopped playing when they saw us and the girl playing drums got up and came running up to us. She started yelling and screaming and jumping up and down in pure delight. "Its you, its you, its you!" "Will you sing with us?!" "Right over here!" She then pulls me over to a mic and the band starts playing To Find A Better Place. So naturally I started singing and after the song was done it was revealed that they were a The Infamous Paczki cover band. They told us how great it was to actually be able to play for us.

My Poor Brain is Going to Pop

I had 1 of my worst reoccurring dreams again last night. It starts out really nice. Were looking around for a house and we come along this beautiful, huge, old farm house. The house is a bit run down, but its nothing a little fresh paint and curtains cant fix. As were going through the house, looking out the windows we realize that the house is no longer on a farm. Rather the farm land has been sold and a housing development is being built around it. The house is still on its own acre of land and the new houses look like theyre very nice as they go up. The houses are being built right before our eyes in mere minutes. We continue up the stairs finding all kinds of interesting little specialty rooms on each floor. I cant describe what was done in these various rooms because there wasnt anything specific about any of them. Only that this room is set up perfectly to do "that" and that room is set up perfectly to do "this".

Eventually we reach the final floor. At this point were certain this is the house for us. It has everything we want and more. Theres nothing that this last floor could do to persuade us otherwise. At first glance it looks like a normal attic. Unfinished ceilings, wood planks for the floor and cobwebs everywhere. The age of the house shines through as the roof has some holes in it and the wall at the end of the house is almost completely gone. On the other side theres a door. We open the door and theres nothing but darkness.

We walk through the door and rather than entering a new room we are taken into the same room through the same door. Only the ceilings are finished and the floors are cherry hard wood. The cobwebs are all gone and have been replaced with the most brilliantly painted walls. Instead of holes in the roof there are skylights and instead of a hole in the wall theres a bay window. In the center of the room theres a giant canopy bed. We look back through the door and find nothing but darkness. We walk to the center of the room and climb into the bed. As we lay there we talk about how perfect this house turned out. How lucky we are to have found it. How we want to spend the rest of our lives here.

At this point I sit up and walk over to the bay window. I look out and theres nothing to see. Not that there is barren wasteland, there was just white. White in every direction. I stare at the whiteness intently and slowly it becomes greyer and greyer, certainly destined to turn black. As it changes the window disappears and the walls and floor and ceiling all fade back to their rundown state. As this is happening I turn around to see that the bed has become torn and tattered as if it had been sitting in the attic for 100 years. Standing on the bed is a giant spider. Its about 10 feet tall and starts walking toward me. With nowhere to go I decide that the best thing to do would be to jump into the grayness.

I wake up on the front yard of the house. Every kind of first responder is there and the paramedics are looking me over despite the fact that there is nothing wrong with me. The fire fighters have the fire under control but the house cant be salvaged. It will have to be demolished. Apparently my companion saw the spider first and knew that Id get out so they set the house on fire and escaped down the stairs. No one knows where my companion went but it is certain that they escaped. Later, when the fire was clear they investigated my story about the spider and found no evidence of its existence.