Lukes take over: Day Last (retro)

A word on spam...

I got an e-mail last night that advertised "Helpful Septic Tank Information." How exactly did I get on this mailing list, pray tell? I don't own a septic tank and I don't want helpful information about them. I have to deal with enough poo as it is. (stupid monkeys)

Mr. Ross is supposed to be coming back tomorrow, so you might want to look closely at everything on this site, in case you missed any of the changes I made. There is a good chance that some of the more inappropriate changes will be made inaccessible after Mr. Ross sees them. I can't tell you exactly what changes were made because then you'd be able to find them easily. Think of it as a treasure hunt.

I figured out a clever name for the new color text thing. The "Random Questions" will be this color and the "Random Answers" will be this color. (See Below)

Do you want a Girl Scout cookie? Don't mind if I do.

I've decided that I can't do everything.

Quote of the Day:

• You're like the drunken abusive grandfather I never had.

Who said it? Chris Elliot in "Cabin Boy"

Oddly colored test (retro)

We have a new Person of the Week. He's a great guy and an amazing person. He's done wonderphul things phor this site. In phact, this site would not be the great site that it is, without his contributions. Check out the People of the Week page phor more inpho.

In case you hadn't noticed, oddly colored text has been popping up here and there. I have decided that I will change the color of the text when I am posting something that is pretty much unrelated to anything else. Phor instance, "Random Nuggets" will be this color. As soon as I think up clever names phor the other colored text things, I will let you know.

One other thing, this page was getting a tad on the text heavy side, thanks going primarily to myselph. Normally, I wouldn't give a rat's ass but the phile size was getting large and I know most of you are still stuck in the stone age with your 56k modems. So, I've done you a huge service by migrating all the David Ross news over to another page. It's not gone. Just moved to here (this link has been removed). No applause is necessary. No really, it was nothing. Plus, it makes this page look so much better, doesn't it? Bonus!

Do you want $3 to go to the Presidential Election Campaign Fund? No, but thanks for asking.

I think you should know that the world is full of stupid people.

Quote of the Day:

• We're giving you a free pager; just to say "Thanks."

Who said it? Some telemarketer guy

So long EL3 (retro)

I've got some sad news. Edward Lancaster III has involuntarily resigned as the Phinancial Advisor Tool of 64tacos. He decided that he wanted to be compensated for managing the phinances and the simple fact of the matter is that 64tacos is not able to compensate anyone at this time.

We would like to thank Edward Lancaster III for all his lack of effort. We hope there are no hard feelings and we wish him the best of luck in the future.

Also, I would just like to say that zombies are really cool.

Quote of the Day:

• Y'all don't know what it's like, being male, middle class, and white.

Who said it? Ben Folds in his song "Rockin' the Suburbs"

Forwards (retro)

Well, Ted's back to his old forwarding self. I wondered how long it would be before he started up again. Within the past 24 hours, I've gotten three crappy forwards from him.

Let's see, the first one was about replacing flight attendants with strippers so that there wouldn't be any more hijackings. Talk about a bunch of crap. Do you honestly think a pair of bouncing boobies are going to stop a religious fanatic from crashing a plane in the name of Allah? It would certainly make flying a lot less boring because I'd be hanging out in the Champagne Room. Oh, yeah.

I thought that this forwarded "waste of time" e-mail was just an isolated incident because Ted even said that he felt bad about doing it. I was willing to forgive one slip-up. Everyone makes mistakes, I mean, we are only human, right?

Wrong. Ted's got to be some sort of demon, who's only job is to make life miserable for everyone else.

So, I check my mail again and what do I find? You guessed it. Two more forwards. One was a picture of a room and after about 30 secs of staring at it, a "ghost" appears and screams at the top of it's lungs, leaving me with a load in my pants. I almost didn't dare look at what the other forward was. Eventually, I caved and decided to see what Ted found so utterly fascinating about this "killing kittens" e-mail. What I found was an image that was funny about four months ago when it first started circulating around the internet.

All of this is pretty darn funny, but it's not nearly as funny as what Dave will say when he finds three new forwards in his inbox after returning from vacation. Consider this your warning, Mr. Ted. If you continue down this path of endless forwards, your Person of the Week status will be revoked. Just be thankful that I haven't suspended you. If you play with fire, my friend, you will get burned.

Quote of the Day:

• Also, you'll find a pair of safety glasses and some earplugs under your seats. Please feel free to use them.

Who said it? Max Fischer (Jason Schwartzman) in "Rushmore"

Zim (retro)

I'd like to tell you about one of the best cartoons I have ever seen. It is called Invader Zim and it's about an alien who comes to Earth in hopes of one day claiming it for his race. He sets up a base disguised as a suburban home and begins going to elementary skool so that no one will suspect a thing. One of his classmates, named "Dib", figures out that Zim is an alien and tries to expose him to the world. The only problem is that no one believes Dib because he's always talking about UFOs and alien conspiracies.

This show is a work of pure genius and I highly recommend it to everyone. The sad part is that it has already been cancelled. No real reason was given so I have come up with my own reason and here it is: Nickelodeon sucks!

About a year ago, Zim made it's debut on Nickelodeon. Now, I know what you're thinking, "A good show on Nickelodeon, how is that possible?" Well, it was, until Zim got cancelled in mid-January. Nick hadn't even shown the second season yet, leaving everyone who liked the show scratching their heads like neanderthals.

I could go on about this forever but it won't change anything. There are twelve more episodes left to air from the second season. It's on Nickelodeon every Friday night at 9:30pm and then rerun on Sunday at 1pm.

Watch an episode and maybe you'll understand why no one understands.

Quote of the Day:

• Communism doesn't work because people like to own stuff.

Who said it? Frank Zappa

Lukes take over: Day 1 (retro)

He's gone! I am here. 64tacos is mine, all mine. As you can see, I have done some minor modiphications to the site. It was absolutely necessary. There is much more in store phor you and this site. So stick around! We'll be right back.

-Señor Robitel

Quote of the Day:

• ...and when the doctor said I didn't have worms any more, that was the happiest day of my life.

Who said it? Ralph Wiggum

Vacation Tomorrow (retro)

Tomorrow I leave on vacation in Florida. I will return on the 14th of April. Until that time I will be leaving Luke in total control of the site. He will be giving you updates as he sees fit. He will also be appointing the new person of the week next Friday. I have no doubts or worries about leaving him in charge as he has shown much enthusiasm and creativity with his special project 'Extreme'.

On to other business. This weeks person of the week is someone I spent many of my high school days and nights with. A very influential man in my life. His name is Chris Jordan. Chris helped form the band Stumpy, that would later be known to people as The Infamous Pakczi. He recorded many of the funniest things I've ever heard on computer witch would later be lost due to an overload of memory. Perhaps his greatest achievement would be authoring the New 1's. Because of all of this Chris Jordan you are our Person of the week.

Here's your quote of the day:

• See I aint tryin' to go through all that.

Who said it? Some stupid woman on Howard Stern