The Year in Review

I was trying to think of a way to recap the year. This one, which I found on one of my wifes friends Xangas, reminded me of Ikyam and the good old days so I decided to give it a shot.

1. What did you do in 2005 that youd never done before?
Worked out an entire 2 weeks notice.

2. Did you keep your New Years resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
No, no, no. This does raise an interesting question though... Was the mom joke resolution a resolution for only 2005 and if so does that mean that they are fair game come the New Year?
I plan to make the first 2 resolutions again. Well see about anything else.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Crazy Mom and I think one of my cousins did. Perhaps they dont qualify as 'close' if I dont know.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No.

5. What countries did you visit?
None.

6. What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005?
Self discipline.

7. What date from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
I cant recall any specific dates from this year.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Passed the steering/suspension certification test.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Gaining back all 15 pounds I lost over the summer.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
No, this was another healthy year. Probably the worst thing was getting burned by the 'anti freeze' in my dads van. (I also didnt lose at euchre.)

11. What was the best thing you bought?
The Bible I gave my wife.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My wife for making it through her hardest semester yet and not killing anyone.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
My sister and mine for refusing to forgive my father.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Credit card bills.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Camping, cookouts and Mario Kart Tournaments.

16. What song will always remind you of 2005?
Weezers 'This is Such a Pity'.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? Same.
ii. thinner or fatter? Same.
iii. richer or poorer? Poorer.

18. What do you wish youd done more of?
Exercise.

19. What do you wish youd done less of?
Eat and smoke.

20. How will you be spending this New Years Eve?
With my lovely wife, and anyone else who wants to come over.

22. Did you fall in love in 2005?
I fall in love all over again every time I see my beautiful wife. Awwwww.

23. How many one night stands?
None.

24. What was your favorite TV program?
My Name is Earl.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didnt hate this time last year?
"Friendly Neighbor". I have hated many people in my days but none as much as him. NONE!

26. What was the best book you read?
The Chronicles of Narnia

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
I rediscovered Weezer with Make Believe.

28. What did you want and get?
Many many things.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
King Kong.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Worked, I think. 26.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Passing the brakes test the first time around.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2005?
If it didnt get any unfixable holes or unwashable stains in/on it last year then its good enough for this year.

34. What kept you sane?
My wife, 64, tacos.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Probably Katie Holmes. She impressed me in Batman Begins. Plus, shes a little hottie.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
I wanna say Terri Schiavo. Not because I cared about whether she lived or died or who got to decide on the matter. I was 'stirred' because of how Congress got involved. WTF?
But then I didnt even know she they let her die until 2 weeks after it happened. That means that the whole Katrina incident is probably my most stirring event.
Its really to bad that both of these issues can be categorized as political.

37. Who did you miss?
Katohater. I still 'talk' to him on the Google Talk almost daily but we miss having him over for cards and movies and the like.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
That would be Q from Hells Pizza. Im really not sure it it was this year or last that we met. But I know we didnt Hunter, Bear, Ninja until 2005 and I dont know that I could truly know anyone until Ive Hunter, Bear Ninjad with them.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2005:
Unfortunately I dont learn so well.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
He used to do surgery, for girls in the 80s, but gravity always won.

xoxo,
Stemshul

Dodge Ball

Watch it.

King Kong

Watch it!

With Her While She Withers

Id like to congratulate Pheesh and St. Marys brother. They both proposed to their lady friends on xmas and were told yes.

Xmas Part 2

!!!WARNING!!! This post is stupid long and you may want to read it chapter by chapter.

Prologue
It all started on the eve of the holiday. I worked at high noon and by 5:00 when Ugly arrived I had amassed 2 whole deliveries. While I didnt make any money the shift proved to be a double edged sword and allowed me to cut out prior to the dinner rush and in time to tell my wife to wait for me before leaving for Dutchland for xmas with her moms side of the family.

Chapter 1
We arrived in Dutchland Minor early. St. Marys 7s grand parents, parents, brother and his new family have already arrived at Aunt Ruths house. Fortunately there werent enough chairs for the 14 of us, Especially since there were another 8 people still to come. The gift exchange at this event was in 2 parts. First everyone passes out all the cookie/candy/goodie baskets that they uniformly made for every other family. These gifts reflected the givers creativity : ambition : financial stability ratio. Some just went to Koezes and dropped a couple C notes on fancily packaged tasty nuts, some baked while others canned/jarred. Perhaps the tastiest treat was the homemade salsa Aunt Kathy made. (Just typing about it made me have to go upstairs and get some.) Next was the least exciting gift exchange Ive ever witnessed. Everyone who wanted to take part could was to bring a $20 gift certificate. All the certificates are wrapped/bagged/disguised and put into the center of the room on the floor. Cousin Jenny brings her "Jingo" (its link bingo only better because its xmased up) boards and cards and everyone playing gets one. If you get a Jingo, you then get to pick a gift card from the center. The next person to get Jingo picks another card and so on. If you are fortunate enough to get a second Jingo you are given the option to steal an already opened gift card or keep your card. With that celebration out of the way it was time to go home and rest up for the big day.

Gift summary: Koezes Nuts, homemade salsa, homemade cookies, gourmet popcorn gift pack. (I did not take part in the $20 exchange.)

Chapter 2
Early in the morning (11:00) we head over to my moms house. As is tradition St. Marys 7 goes and helps my step dad with breakfast and my little sister and I shake, rattle and roll all the presents under the tree in a glorious attempt to ruin the day. With the contents of all the packages calculated we eat a delicious breakfast of French toast, bacon burnt beyond recognition (my moms soul responsibility in the feast preparation) sausage and fruit. After a calculated insurgence on our food by the candle center piece we move to the living room to open presents. With no ridiculous games to guide us through the present opening ceremony we resort to more scientific means, youngest to oldest. Many wonderful gifts were given (I received the work bench I asked for) and my mother actually listened to my sister and my requests for no candy in the stocking this year. No candy other then the habitual chocolate letter that is. Unfortunately we were not given much time to visit and needed to move on to our next stop.

Gift summary: Work bench, chocolate letter, visor sunglasses holder.

Chapter 3
Next we rush off to St. Marys dads side of the family. At nearly 2:00 now we are definitely at least an hour late. Most of you know how I hate being late to things. I dont mind in this case. All this means is that I didnt have to sit in silence on 30 year old furniture in a small room filled with 20+ people. Im not sure why it is but these people dont talk to each other. Gifts are given as follows. Everyone who wants to puts their name in and then selects a random name from the collection of names. You then purchase a gift for that person totaling around $20-25. On top of this aunt Diane (the only unmarried child of grandma) gets everyone a gift that usually costs around $10. All the adults and older children get grandma gifts and she buys gifts for everyone. All these gifts are piled "under" the tree and whoever has the misfortune of sitting next to the tree after the game of musical chairs that we called eating dinner is over has to distribute them. This year I was on one side of the tree and St. Marys brothers lady friend was on the other. Had the other side been anyone else I would have just sat there silently and pretended I didnt know what was going on but since Im 7 years her senior in this crazy xmas gathering I put my cowardly ways aside and started handing out presents. I however, did not leave my chair. I just grabed a gift and passed it in the direction the person was in. This proved to be quite effective as there is no real order at this gathering and as soon as youre handed a present you open it regardless of weather someone else is opening one or not. I opted out on the pick a name exchange so that ment that my gifts were going to be a crapshoot. You dont ask Aunt Diane for anything because you dont want to assume that shes going to get you something. I did well and got a Frank Lloyd Wright month calendar. Grandma on the other hand usually goes out and gets stuff off peoples lists but this year wasnt up to it and decided to "do her shopping in her attic". Now Ive not spent a lot of time in the attics of old ladys but apparently there is some interesting stuff. The youngest 2 grandchildren, 2 15/16 year old girls, both got Tweetie Bird long underwear pajamas. I managed to get a pocket toolset and "The Amazing Safety Alarm". Fortunately she had the sense to include with everyones gifts $50 cash. Last and always least is the obligatory 2' tall decorative nutcracker from Uncle Dale in California.

Gift summary: Calendar, pocket toolset, "The Amazing Safety Alarm", $50 cash, nutcracker.

Chapter 4
The grand finally is over at the in laws house. First it should be said that 8 year olds are clever little beasts. As soon as we walk into the house we are told, by said 8 year old, that it is up to us to decide weather we should eat or open presents first. Smart enough to see through this rouse we say wed like to crush your dreams, I mean, eat first. Not to be out done the short one drags my unsuspecting wife into the living room to see her new puppy. Now we knew that this puppy was really just one of those god awful "breathing" contraptions that they try to push on you at the mall. It comes in a cleverly packaged box that has holes in it so that "it doesnt run out of air" and it has a fancy bed and if you dont know whats going on, or are 8, you could very easily believe that theres a real puppy sleeping in that box. And of course it wasnt wrapped so this little girl had spent the last 30 minutes looking at this box, filled with hope and desire. Filled to the brim with excitement at the thought of a brand new puppy for her to love and hold and squeeze. Abby (the 8 year old) tells St Marys to open the box and look at it. Assuming that everyone in the room knew the truth about this box, she does open it. "See it. Its my puppy. Wait? Its not breathing! Why isnt it breathing?!?! ITS DEAD!!!!" Very quickly it was decided that the kids should each be allowed to open 1 present (Abbys being the dead puppy) and it was explained to her that her puppy wasn’t dead, it was never alive. Its soul purpose is to deceive people into thinking its alive. When she realized that there were easily 25-30 other presents under the tree for here she got over the dead dog and agreed to eat something. We ate and by 8:00 were opening presents again. I received a lovely Eddie Bower combination tool and $30 gift card to Sears from Chris and Kari. Though I didn’t get many presents I did receive the biggest present, my desk. Now you might say, how do you dare ask for something so expensive? Well, I dont. I put it on my list as a challenge. It was accompanied with many other reasonably priced items, all of which would have been easier to acquire. While the desk was the only gift I received from my mother and father in law (other than a stocking full of strange goodies) it was accompanied with, what I can only assume is, a check for the amount of money they spent on the others minus the value of the desk. Looks like I should have asked for the hutch too.

Gift summary: Desk, $50, $30 Sears Gift Card, Multi Tool, Stocking of Strange and Wonderful Things.

Epilogue
Before the 2 days for baby Jesus came to an end we had some of the regulars over for cards and eatings. God didnt want us to go sledding like we usually do. Oh well. We had a lot of fun and will sled another day.

Xmas Part 1

I just want to say that I got my new desk and just finished setting it and my computer up and theyre beautiful. But, whatever you do, dont look behind me. Thats where all the stuff that was in the old desk is. A complete xmas 05 wrap up is yet to come...

I Talk of Freedom, You Talk of the Flag

Ive always thought that Tom Cruise bore a strange resemblance to Zel Miller.

Watch this.

Devotion

I was at work waiting for 11:00 to roll around so I could go home and one of the karaoke regulars came up to Friendly Neighbor and starts talking to him. She asks if shes shown him her new tattoo yet. She then shows him and I glance at it. Its a musical scale with some notes on it about an inch tall and 6 inches long starting at he wrist and going down her arm. Friendly neighbor asks if the notes play anything. She tells him that its one of her favorite Gwen Stefani songs.

Image found here.

Team Robot

Team Robot is comin at ya in full force biotchs. Awh yeeah. 160 points in Mirror Mode all cup. 1:26:507 Time Trials time on Luigi Circuit. You cant touch this. Please Team Robot, dont hurt um. Youd better get your practice on hard core.

Image found here.

Quiz (Religion)

You fit in with: HumanismYour ideals mostly resemble that of a Humanist. Although you do not have a lot of faith, you are devoted to making this world better, in the short time that you have to live. Humanists do not generally believe in an afterlife, and therefore, are committed to making the world a better place for themselves and future generations. 20% spiritual. 80% reason-oriented.

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

Spanglish

Watch it.

Mother Earth Is A Vicious Crowd

At about 12:01 AM tomorrow morning Stanley Tookie Williams is scheduled to be executed. You can get the whole story about that here here or here.

I do not agree with the death penalty. I dont know if its my Christian upbringing or liberal morality, but I believe the death penalty is wrong. 1st, there is never enough certainty in any conviction to give the ultimate punishment. 2nd, its not our place to take the lives of others, ever.

Now, personal opinion on the institution of the death penalty aside, if ever there was an opportunity to give clemency, this would be it. Tookie was a bad bad man. He killed several people and is responsible for the deaths of many more. The court has decided that he should die for these things. Were I a supported of the death penalty, I would agree. Those actions fit the criteria for execution. A person who does those kind of things has done irreparable harm to society and has nothing to offer it.

Heres where clemency comes in. Clemency is (according to wiki) the lessening of the penalty of the crime without forgiving the crime itself. Since his incarceration, Tookie has done many things to help reduce gang violence. He has been nominated 6 times for the Noble Peace Prize for his efforts. He is no longer a threat and is clearly giving back to society. Do I want him to be allowed to go free and come over to my house for Xmas dinner? Hell no. He must pay for his crime. There are also many things he can do to better our lives. Things he can not do if his life is taken 12 hours from now.

Cartoon found here.

The Lion, The Witch And The Wardrobe

Watch it!

Beard

You scored as Garibaldi.

What kind of beard are you?
created with QuizFarm.com

Quiz

You scored as Democrat. Democrat 92% Socialist 75% Anarchism 75% Communism 67% Green 67% Fascism 17% Republican 8% Nazi 0% What Political Party Do Your Beliefs Put You In? created with QuizFarm.com

Cold Mountian

Watch it.

Barton Fink

Watch it?

What The Hell Am I Doing Here

This post started as a comment on this post but got so long that I decided to make it a post.

So I guess the question is whats wrong with this? Its not like theyre interrupting the movie with advertisements. Theyre just putting more before it. If the movie still starts at the ticket time then you dont have to watch them. You just show up at show time and itll be like the extra ads werent even there. Right? And even if you show up 64 minutes early to get the best seat in the house why do you care if they have ads on the screen? I think it makes the time go faster.

We can only hope that with this extra income the theaters will go back to the old days when theaters held people responsible for allowing everyone to have an enjoyable movie going experience. I would gladly sit through 10 extra minutes (that Im not doing anything else with anyway) of ads before a movie if it means that they bring back ushers. Now I have no doubt that some of the new revenue is going to go directly to the owners and operators of the theaters. But I also have enough faith in capitalism that they will use some of the money to better the movie going experience for their patrons. Not because they care about us necessarily but because it will drive ticket sales again and line their pockets even more.

Usher picture found here.

Boys Dont Cry

Dont watch it.

It Aint Easy Livin Like A Gypsy

This ones great! I was waiting tables at work today. After the rest of his family gives me their order a man says he wants a "Loaded 5 Burger". Not sure what a Loaded 5 Burger is I ask him to repeat himself. He says "Loaded 5 Burger". He had alot of confidence in his voice so I assume I just dont know the menu well enough and that there is this mystical Loaded 5 Burger. I go over to the computer to ring their order in and click on the burgers button. Lets see, Hamburger, Cheeseburger, Bacon Cheeseburger, Loaded V.I. Burger, wait, what? Did this man just mistake the initials of the restaurant he was sitting in for the Roman Numeral 5? Yes, yes he did. Not only did he do that, but he also translated it incorrectly. VI is 6. LSHIJPMP.

Roman numerals image found here.

The Driver Swears He Learned His Math

I am now officially half way through Johnny Depps run on 21 Jump Street. Season 2 Disc 3 is in the mailbox and heading back to Netflix in the afternoon.

One of my goals with Netflix was to watch every Johnny Depp performance that they have to offer. I am seriously rethinking this endeavor. Jump sucks. The writing, acting (Johnny included), special effects, plots, dialogue, all of it. It all sucks. It was kinda fun at first. You know, the whole 80s thing But that fun is wearing thin. Im definitely moving some Jump down on my queue.

Jump image found here.

Konami Code

Recently I added Pheeshs My Space to my Blogs bookmarks folder. I just noticed that he has the Konami Code as, what I can only imagine is a personal quote. The problem is its not right. Sure what he has will activate the secret but theres an extra "B A select". This really bugs me. The Konami Code is the great unifier of all mid 80s video game players. Without it it would have been impossible for any of us to beat Contra the first time. If youre going to quote it quote it correctly. Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right B A.

Contra image found here.

Livin, Lovin, Shes Just A Woman

I had the pleasure of delivering some food to one of the old people homes this evening. I hate going to these places. They reek of death and theres craziness running (or rather rolling in their wheel chairs) rampant everywhere. Heres a run in I had with one of the crazies tonight.

Crazy: Are you the mail man?
Me: No.
Crazy: Are you the mail man?
Me: No, Im the pizza man.
Crazy: Are you the mail man?
Crazy: What day is it tomorrow?
Crazy: Whats the date tomorrow?
Crazy: What day is it tomorrow?
Crazy: Whats the date tomorrow?
Crazy: Why dont we have a calendar in here?

Old people should not be left out in the hall way unattended. Yes, I know, some day that will be me. When Im old and crazy I would like to be left in a room, alone. Perhaps with a dog or other animal that will pay attention to me that I can talk to.

Old lady photo found here.

Taking Lives

Watch it.

Youre My Best Friend And I Love You

I was standing at the front counter at work putting my schedule for next week into my phone and a customer came up and asked "Friendly Neighbor" if we had a pay phone. We dont but he lets her use the stores phone. She hangs up after a failed attempt. Next she turns to me and we have this conversation.

Customer: Can I use your cell phone?
Me: No, I dont have very many minutes, sorry.
Customer (glaring at me like Im lying to her and with a snide tone in her voice): Itll just take 30 seconds.
Me (extremely irritated): I said no. Sorry.

I lied. I was not sorry. She could have gone and asked any 1 of the scores of people in the restaurant and Ill bet 49-64% of them would have said the same thing. Im not giving some complete stranger my phone, especially when theres a counter between us and a door only a couple feet away from her. Suck it bitch.

This Is Our Christmas Tree

Quiz Show

I am 70% Video Game Addict.

Video games are a big portion of my life, maybe too big of a portion. They are not a means of social interaction, despite what I might think. I should just go outside.

Take the
Video Game Addict Test
@ FualiDotCom

I am 66% Asshole/Bitch.

I am abrasive, some people really hate me, but there may be a group of other tight knit assholes and bitches that I can hang out with and get me. Everybody else? Fuck ‘em.

Take the
Asshole/Bitch Test
@ FualiDotCom

I am 59% Grunge.

I am pretty dirty, all right and, I reek of teen spirit... I would sell my own children for a moldy hotpocket, man.

Take the
Grunge Test
@ FualiDotCom

I am 41% Emo.

Hmm.. I should stop listening to Dashboard Confessional.... enough said... Now that I stopped looking at my shoes, I know how the real world looks.

Take the
Emo Test
@ FualiDotCom

Pinkerton

Which Weezer album are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


You are Fourth of July!

What Hoilday are you? (anime pic)
brought to you by Quizilla


Attention Deficit Disorder
You are ADD! This means that HEY LOOK AT THE PERDY
DUCKLINGS CROSS THE PENCILCASE! Anyways, you
can't focus on just one thing, 'cause you're
always zooming around and OMFG SQUIRREL! I
FEED! LACTOSE INTOLLERANCE!! I
mean....yes...Good morning starshine! The world
says "Hello!". A person with ADD can
be put on medication to help them focus with
every day tasks, and the treatments are usually
very successful. They really make the person's
life easier.

What's Your Disorder?
brought to you by Quizilla

Posts since July 7th 2005

Katohater: 159
Stemshul: 96
Whitey: 47
St Marys 7: 38
Shedubeard: 25
Jew: 23

Get Down And Pray To The Oven

Its Turkey Day! Im fatter than I was yesterday, the Lions lost and I asked the inlaws for over $700 worth of xmas wrapped goods. Everything is right with the world.

For dinner we had the usual. The baby eater cooked up some mean turkey that was accompanied by mashed potatoes and gravy, sweet potatoes, rolls, broccoli with cheese sauce and stuffing.

Oops. Its Monday now and I just remembered that I never finished this post. Im not motivated to so this is all you get.

Train Kept A Rollin

Id like to welcome Shedus wife, Crazy Mom, to our little blogging community. I look forward to many pictures of strangly named children and storys about parenting, running and sex with Shedubeard. Oh yeah, "Mom Train," genious!

BTW, DO NOT Google image search "mom train".

I Dont Like Food Anymore

This afternoon I finally bagged up the leaves that were in my front yard. In order to do this I had to buy some bags so I thought Id try out those Hefty Ultra Flex bags. You know the ones that are supposed to be more tear resistant and the lady in the commercial is like, "Look at me stick my samurai sword in this trash bag" and the bag doesnt even think about tearing. Those are the ones I got. Let me tell you, THEY SUCK. So Im bagging up leaves and some small sticks right. My frickin Costco Kirkland brand bags didnt tear. These new shit bags were tearing left and right. And then when I would tie them up with the draw strings the strings would snap. Boo. Boo I say. Boo to you Hefty Ultra Flex. Boo.

I Dont Like Food Anymore

This afternoon I finally bagged up the leaves that were in my front yard. In order to do this I had to buy some bags so I thought Id try out those Hefty Ultra Flex bags. You know the ones that are supposed to be more tear resistant and the lady in the commercial is like, "Look at me stick my samurai sword in this trash bag" and the bag doesnt even think about tearing. Those are the ones I got. Let me tell you, THEY SUCK. So Im bagging up leaves and some small sticks right. My frickin Costco Kirkland brand bags didnt tear. These new shit bags were tearing left and right. And then when I would tie them up with the draw strings the strings would snap. Boo. Boo I say. Boo to you Hefty Ultra Flex. Boo.

As I Try To Make My Way To The Ordinary World

Before reading this post be sure to read the first part here.

After gathering the materials necessary I return home to reconstruct my bathroom sink. I stick the cold water stem into the opening and tighten it up. I then turn the cold water back on. No leaks. Next I open up the cold water faucet. No leaks. Just to be sure I turn the hot water on and then open the faucet. I attempt to open it that is. The porcelain handle breaks. Great! Looks like Ive got a lot of gluing to do.

O ke doke. Might as well take this whole side apart too and put that new part I got on. This side however was not steady. It was loose in the hole. After several different vice grip configurations I finally get to the rubber part that is to be replaced. Unfortunately like the cold water side this one also needs to be loosened to accommodate the new larger part. First I try just a couple pliers, no chance. Perhaps vice grips will work. NO. OK, out to the garage where the big vice is. Put it in there and use the big vice grips on the other side. Still nothing. Frickin awesome. I have to leave for work in 10 min and if the wife comes home to this shes going to freak out. I get the PB Blaster out and spray the shit out of this thing. It sits for a minute and I try to loosen it again. No dice. OK I should beat her home with about an hour to work on this. I spray the shit out of the fixture again and let it sit.

9:00 and Im home again. I have exactly an hour to get this thing fixed. The first thing I do is try to loosen the fixture that has been marinating for 5 hours. Much to my surprise it comes loose on the first try. I havent even officially gotten home and Ive already loosened the fixture. NICE. Next is to go in the house and change out of my work cloths.

Now properly clothed, I put the new part on the hot water faucet stem. Theres still 2 problems though. 1: Both handles are smashed and need to be glued back together. 2: The hot water side is loose. Some times when you turn the handle (when there was a handle) the entire fixture would spin rather than just loosening up. After examining the thing for a while I determined that there werent enough threads for the pretty thing to grab onto on the hot water side. Therefore there was nothing holding it in place and it could move freely.

At this point I realized that you can never have too many big tools. I had every pliers but the big one out and in order to loosen the thing on the bottom to allow more threads to go up I needed one at least that big. Threads now exposed I put the hot water side back together. Everything functions and there are no leaks. Were down to one problem. No handles!

When I asked the good man at Godwin Hardware if he thought super glue would hold these stupid porcelain handles together he kinda smirked. Then he said "we do have some killer adhesives that would work." We go over to the adhesive isle and he grabs the Devcon High Strength 2 Ton Epoxy (All Purpose). This stuff aint your little sisters Krazy Glue. Its stored in a 2 nozzle syringe. One side has the resin and the other has the hardener. Once you squirt them out you have 30 minutes to mix it and get it on. After the 30 minutes is up, its hard. Then after 8 hours its water/fire proof can handle temperatures between -60F and 200F and has a PSI strength of 2500 pounds. NICE. Needles to say I was a little intimidated working with it.

For the most part the epoxy application went uneventful. I still have some stuck to my fingers but most of the skin underneath where the glue was died and fell off with it.

Long ago I vowed to never again do plumbing work. I hate plumbing. Things that would normally be very easy always turn into many houred projects. Ive decided to take up my vow of no plumbing again.

Troy

Watch it.

Friday Night I Crashed Your Party

Last night our house was the location of a baby shower. All of my wifes friends came over and played strange games, ate food and opened presents. This blog is not about that night.

Friday, in preparation for the big baby shower, I decided I should probably fix the leaking bathroom sink. After turning off the water, I pop the top off and unscrew the screw that holds the unit together. Unfortunately, like most old sinks, it didnt want to come apart. So I try to loosen it and snap the shit out of the porcelain handle. Great! Well, at least I can get a vice grip on this thing to break it free. I do that and as I suspected the leak was due to a bad seal. A $0.99 part will fix this. Well, it would have before I snapped the handle.

My next objective is to find a replacement handle for this faucet. Not a very obtainable goal. At Ace Hardware the man was very friendly and helpful but could only tell me that it was going to cost, at the very least, $57 for a whole new set of fixtures. Not an investment Im willing to make at this point in the day. On to Godwin Hardware.

I receive an almost identical look from the guy at Godwin as I got at Ace when I asked about a replacement part for this one fixture. He did however hook me up with some killer adhesive. Ill get back to the adhesive in the conclusion. After we find the proper adhesive I address the original problem, my faucet leaks. He gets me my $0.99 rubber part and offers to put it on. Never to proud to let someone else do something for me, I let him. It wasnt as simple as just popping one off and popping the new one on. Because the faucet was in such bad shape it had to be loosened to accommodate for the new part. Now it must be said that the guys at Godwin Pluming are awesome. He spent the next 15 minutes hammering, vicing and PB Blasting this stupid decrepit old fixture just so he could put a $0.99 part on for me. Eventually he got it put together and I was on my way. I decided to pick up 2 of these parts because the hot water side was probably going to start leaking soon anyway. $6.80 later Im on my way home.

To Be Continued...

Did Somebody Say My Name?

I went to the hardware store and saw everybodys favorite Sunday Night Pizza Boy today. Nothins changed.

She Walked In With Her Alligator Sister

My wife is having a baby shower here Saturday night so Ive been spending much of my day today cleaning the house. Not just picking up like I do everyday but actually cleaning. Dusting, windows, moping, you know, the hard stuff. Holy shit theres a lot of dust. I know my lungs are fucked already but Ive had to take breaks so that I could breath. If ever there was a reason to have children, dusting just jumped to the top of the list for me.

What Is This Material?

ITS SNOWING! The first snow of the year has come and caught me off gaurd. I intended to rake the leaves that God left behind today. (Lucky for me most of them were blown into the street or neighbors yards!) So much for that huh? Oh well. The winds are supposed to die down in a couple days and none of this white stuff is supposed to stick so I should get one more chance before Father Xmas comes knocking on my door.

Driving Faster In My Car

The other day at work I delivered a couple pizzas to a woman. When I arrived she said she needed to check them to make sure they were right because last time blah blah blah. So I gave her the pizzas and she takes them to the kitchen for examination. She comes back and says. "These were supposed to be on hand tossed crust, it looks like theyre on thin." I look at the ticket and it says thin crust. I explain that they were made according to the ticket. She looks at me very confused like. Then says, "I dont think the girl even asked me what kind of crust I wanted. Ive never even heard of a thin crust spinach pizza. I assumed they always came on hand tossed. Thats how they are on the buffet." This last statement was the deal sealer. This woman had no idea what she was talking about because the spinach pizza doesnt go on the buffet. Even if it did, why wouldnt it be able to be made on a different kind of crust? Sure some pizzas go better with certain kinds of crusts but that doesnt mean that they have to be made only on that kind. At this point I offered to call the store and see what we could do about this. She says "No, I want these pizzas to be hand tossed." NO? What the fuck is wrong with you lady? I know it might be hard for you to believe but I dont have any spinach hand tossed pizzas in my car. The only way there is going to be one is if I call the store and tell them to make one. I call and talk to the Roper and he says theyll remake the pizzas. I tell the woman that she can either keep the current pizzas or wait for new 1s to come. She decides to wait.

Also Known As

Ripley
Ms Ripley
Ripley Pipley
Rip
Brat

Bishop
Mr B
Beeshop
Queeshop
Bishop Bug
Bish
Bishop Big Head
Baby B
Princess B
Both Hands Bishop

Hudson
Hudsy
Hudsy Budsy
Hudsy McBudsy (the Irish drinking dog)
Hudsy Bear
Hudsy Buttons
Baby Boy
Poopy Puppy
Poopy McPuppy
Hudsy Hudsy Poopy Pants

The Right To Bear Arms

This is what your rights get you.

My Lovely Lady Lumps

Why is it that I always want to hit that monkey. And how about taking a bat to a mailbox while hanging out of a car window. Then theres the big question, whos legs are those? Why do these things work?

2 Outa 3 Aint Bad

And Ill take 1 out of 2. I got my mechanics test results back yesterday. I passed the Front End, Steering and Suspension test and failed the Brakes and Braking Systems test. Thats pretty much what I expected to happen. Now its time to hit the books and try again.

The Last Samurai

Watch it.

And I Know

As I was counting out at work tonight a familiar face came up to the counter. It was none other than the Sultan of Slay. I decided the right thing to do was sit down and catch up with everyones favorite Christian contradiction. Nothing has changed. Hes still high on life and ready to evangelize. What really cracks me up is, one of the first things he said to me was "I was just thinking about calling you!" Yeah right.

Guaranteed Satisfaction Or Your Money Back

Sometimes you just have to take a shower after you get done using the bathroom. I just did.

Birthpool

Congratulations Shedu and Crazymom for the birth of your new baby.

You Shook Me So Hard Baby

For the last couple months ago we decide that it would be a good thing to have the cable hooked up in the living room. Weve got the big TV and entertainment center and everything in the basement but what if you need to make some dinner and you dont want to miss a second of the game. St. Marys 7s mom was giving away a TV stand that they werent using anymore so we took it and put our old TV on it in the living room right next to the cable jack. I grabbed some coaxial from the wires box and hook it all up. No signal. I go down to the basement to make sure the cable is working and it is. I check the main line into the house and find that when the cable guy came to run a line over to our computer he also took the liberty of disconnecting all the other wires in the house and put a 2 way splitter where there had previously been a 5 way splitter. No worries right? Just plug one of the loose wires in instead of one of the curent ones to make sure it works and then go get a 3 way splitter from Radio Shack. Wait what? None of the other wires work? Theres no cable down here going to that outlet. HMMM. I let this sit for a little while because I really didnt believe that this was all true and was trouble shooting it all buy myself.

Yesterday The Ugly Kid and I gave this matter a good looking into and came up with the same conclusion. There was in fact no TV going to my TV. I called the Comcast up to see how they felt about this situation. What I was told was that when they came and ran the line to my computer they disconnected all the lines that werent being used. They do this because it improves your signal and you get less interference. Great! Now, why didnt they tell me they were going to do this? Had I known that that was what was going to happen, I would have told them to leave the line going up to the living room because there is a chance that we are going to put a TV there. Rather they just did what they felt was right and now it is going to cost me $20 to have them come back and reverse the problem that they created.

That is not where our story ends though. I told mister customer service expert that I had no intention of paying $20. Im sorry but thats what we charge sir. Then I put it to him this way. If I call an electrician to put a new outlet in my house he doesnt cut power to all the outlets that Im not using just because it will create a more consistent flow of electricity to the ones I am using. He leaves them the way they are and they will work when I plug my lamp into them. That is what your wire boy should have done when he came here. He wasnt called because the signal was too weak. The signal was just fine. All he was supposed to do was add a wire. There was silence for about 2 minutes. He didnt say a word and I was waiting for him to do the right thing. He didnt. Finally I asked to speak with his supervisor. He said that wouldnt be a problem. A couple minutes later he returns and says he talked with the supervisor and THEY agree that I shouldnt have to pay. "Obviously it wasnt properly explained to you." He says to me.

His Goal In Life Was To Be An Echo

You may or may not remember my post about Discount Tire in late June. To sum it up they fucked up on multiple occasions and I was not happy about it. Well, the saga continues.

A couple months ago I put a new tie rod end on the driver side of the Green Fever. To do this I had to take the tire off which meant loosening the lug nuts. These lug nuts were unlike any lug nut Id ever seen before. Theyre kinda 6 sided but they had little gutters rather than points where the sides intersected each other. I got the tire iron out and had to use the smallest size (17mm) to get them off and it would slip occasionally. I got them off and changed the tie rod and put the tire back on.

Today I planned to change the tie rod on the passenger side. I loosened 4 of the 5 nuts but could not get the last one to come off. It would slip every time I put alot of pressure on it. WTF. This mother fucker will not come off. I try every 6 sided nut turning device in my garage and they all slip. The ugly kid shows up already angry at the parts store chic for not ordering his parts and we decide to go up to Discount Tire.

We arrive and I explain to the guy whats happening. With a look of disbelief he says "lets go out there and take a look at it. I show him to the tire and get out the tire iron. As Im putting it on the lug nut he says "Wheres the key?" The key? Where IS the key? Thats a good question. Its obvious now that you need a key that fits the lug nuts to take them off. Where could that key have gone? Oh, I know. IT NEVER LEFT THEIR SHELF 4 MONTHS AGO WHEN I BOUGHT THE LUG NUTS. They never told me I needed a key and certainly didnt give me one. Mother fuckers.

3 strikes and youre out right? I wish it was 3 strikes and youre forced to close youre business. Those stupid mother fuckers fucked my order up 3 times. 3 times! Un fucking believable. I will never spend another penny at Discount Tire and you shouldnt either. (Unless youre my dad and you deserver to be fucked over.)

"What Are Those Wierd Sounds?"

After a beautiful fight about audio archiving DnD the playing got started. Everything was going along swimmingly. Eddy L had his Jack and Popsi. Ugly Kid was arguing with Shedu in PC/NPC format. I was playing some Spider on the laptop. Shedu had the old iTunes shuffling through his oversized database of mp3 files. Suddenly everything stopped. Everything includes the DnD, the hint of anger lingering in the room and the ability to understand what any of us are doing in the world. Thats right... Esters Song came up next on shuffle. And so began the Turtle Dream.

Its been said that minimalism is a good thing. If kept in small doses. Well if thats true then why am I compelled to erase every audio file on my computer and burn every compact disc I have and replace it with every Meredith Monk album ever recorded? OooooooorrrhhhEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. OooooooorrrhhhEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. OooooooorrrhhhEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. And since I cant do that (my wife would kill me if I burned her Cheryl Crow albums) does that mean that we have to start a minimalist band? And if so how do you do that? Can you have a “band” and still be minimalists? What if your band accidentally had too many people in it? More than the minimum. What if, what if, what if, what if, what if I?

By The Time Your Children Are Fit To Live With Their Living With Someone Else

Gimme some sugar baby.

Which B-Movie Badass Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Was It 4 Centuries Or For Centuries As Neil Would Put It?

Sorry but Ive been sitting on this one for a couple days now and have to say it. Recent measurements indicate that Shedubeards wife is dilated to 2 meters.

Once, Twice, 3 Times A Lady

About 73 minutes ago I IMd Shedubeard to see what was up. He immediately responded “hang on”. When someone tells me to “hang on” I interpret that as “hey, Ive gotta do something really quick but I should be back in a couple minutes.” Unfortunately theres no telling what most of my friends actually mean…

The ugly kid… Well I dont want to address his time management system right now. Perhaps another time.

The Jew has been know to “power get ready”. What this means is that when we called him an hour after he was supposed to show up we woke him up. This is when the power get ready starts. Step 1: Go back to sleep for 2 hours. Step 2: Get woken up by your friends again. Step 3: Take 30 minutes doing your hair. Step 4: Show up more than 4 hours late.

2fer Tuesday

The Roper called me this morning as I was getting ready to go to The Village. He asked if I could come in and drive. Hes not to bright because I was already scheduled to serve. He said that was ok, he needed a driver.

So I go in as a driver, doing them yet another favor, and its the same old shit. No appreciation what so ever. Fine. I dont do it to be praised. I dont expect them to erect any statures in my honor because I cover shifts for them ALL THE TIME. Im a big boy and have plenty of self confidence. I know Im one of the best workers there and everyone else knows it too.

Heres what really kills me about The Roper. It seems that hes at odds with you no mater the situation. Like today, he took the order for the only delivery of the afternoon. It had most of the information but it didnt have a business name. I asked him if he knew what the business name was and he said know. I said that its very helpful to have business names because sometimes the address isnt visible from the road. Then he proceeded to say “well I got the suit number. What more do you want? Do you want me to get their nationality? Or how about their eye color? I didnt say anything. One thing I told myself when I left Hells Pizza is that its not worth arguing with stupid people. Unfortunately not putting up a fight is compelling me to simply punch people.

Later in the day I over heard The Roper say; “It wouldnt be the first time someone stabbed me with a knife and it probably wouldnt be the last either.” If you only knew fat man.